Over 6 hours of electricity.

Allah is truly merciful. Yeah well it's pretty incredible, it's too good to be true, I don't want to wake up in the hope that it would still be on, so I'm going to stay awake till it goes off.

Over 4 hours of continuous electricity!

I'm only guessing according to what the status of my internet connection. But I've had more than 4 hours continuous electricity. That hasn't happened in a long long time maybe even years. Maybe it's because it's not cold enough for people to turn on their electric heaters and not hot enough for people to turn on their air conditioners.

I drank two tall glasses of milk wow.

Bugger!

Turns out that was the second comment posted. Ah well. I don't really feel I've got any fresh views about the situation here in Iraq. I kind of regret reading that comment to which I made a long reply to because I feel I'm wasting the reader's time. Hmm, I'm I should proof read it anyway. I must've made plenty of mistakes. Well that's the last time I'm answering those kind of boring questions. Back to my normal blogging...

Wow the electricity hasn't cut off in ages.

I've disliked milk all my life, but I've come to like over the past couple of days. Something must be wrong with me.

Yippee, I got my first comment :D

The first person to post a comment on my blog had some questions. Which I feel obliged to try to answer.

1st. What does my dad do?

My dad owns a rice plantation in a place near Diwaniya and Hilla (2 hours south of Baghdad). The plantation grows rice and wheat. His latest project is the publishing of a book about my grandfather Rayih.

After nearly getting getting shot dead a couple of times. Once by the americans as he was entering Baghdad on the highway a humvee parked ahead of him shot at the headlights of his car, my dad slammed the breaks, and veered off. Bystanders told him he was more fortunate than the last guy who they pointed out lying dead in his car. Apparently, one of the humvees ahead had been hit by a suicide car bomber, and were fearing that another would come.

There was the other time by iraqis which I mention in a post back in December. We haven't bothered getting the bullet holes made by the iraqis repaired yet hehe, they're still there. I've grown fond of that car, and don't want to sell it or anything. Some say that it is it that attracts the bullets, but I believe that it is it that has saved our lives.

2nd. Was I in Iraq doing the war?

Yes I was, but strangely enough there's not much to remember. It didn't last very long and annoyingly so. My dad wanted me to go to the farm with him and my cousin and told me to stay in Baghdad was suicide. But in my head I'd rather die than go to that smelly plantation. Anyway, I stayed in Baghdad and stayed alive. All the shops closed up and everybody went home before nightfall. Sometimes I would sleep over at friend's place that we nickname India, because he used to live there. India lives in Khadraa near the Airport, we used to spend the nights unable to sleep due to the heat, so we'd sit outside in the garden and gaze at the sky trying to spot bombers. I try to remember how we went through some of the nasty parts of the war such as after the electricity station got hit and days later the water stopped flowing to our taps as since there was no electricity to pump the water. The war wasn't scary as much as it was exciting for me, you could say I've got a few screws loose.

3rd. Any stories?

I've only once brushed death. A couple of months after the war ended, I took the car out to go to a friend's house. I had ran out of cigarettes before leaving the house, and Nahida warned me not to buy cigarettes from a stalls by the roads out of fear of car-jackers. But as I drove onto the main street, there were a few humvees parked on the main road. After U-turning, onto the other side of the street, I see a cigarette stall on the street. I think to myself if the americans are on the other side then there's little chance of me being car-jacked. It's worth mentioning that this took place at around 2pm in the summer at which time there are few people on the streets due to the uncomfortable heat. I park my car by the stand and without switching the car off or getting out, I tell the kid what brand of cigarettes I wanted and was starting to count the cash, then I look up in front of me and there's a red brazili (volksvagen passat from the 80s produced in Brazil purchased by the government as part of an arms deal) parked sideways and a dude coming out of the back seat with AK47 in his hands. It took me a split second to realise what was happening and without thinking I put my car in drive and press the gas with caution instead of slamming it down out of fear that it would break down when most incovenient. The brazili wasn't parked so near as to block my path and I drove off as the man with the AK yelled 'STOP' in arabic repeatedly. After I had passed him he shot at my car. A guy with a white Kia mini-van caught up with me and told me to go tell the traffic cop at the end of the street to speak to the cop. The guy took the cop and we drove around the street, but the red brazili had run away by then. In hindsight, I've got no clue what the cop would've done since they hadn't even been issued guns yet. I then went over to where the americans were, I didn't want to go straight home just in case they the red brazili was following me from a distance. The americans explained to me that they thought that it was they who were under attack - the poor sods. Later on a bullet was found in the gas tank. I don't know if I was lucky the car didn't blow up or if Hollywood has been lying to me all this time.

4th. Is it as unsafe in Iraq as the american media makes it to be?

Well that's a hard question to answer. The media those give an image of how dangerous Iraq is, but I'm not really sure how that image is interpreted in the minds of the viewers. I could make a list of all the things that do make it dangerous.

• Getting shot by Americans or Iraqis because you approached a checkpoint or a convoy at a high speed or came too close. This is pretty annoying because sometimes it's hard to notice them.
• Getting Car-jacked, this is very rare nowadays.
• You could get kidnapped if you have a reputation for being wealthy. The threat of which comes from someone that you casually know such as a previous driver or the guy that installed your new kitchen.
• Targetted by insurgents if you have affiliations with the government or occupying forces.
• You could get killed as a result of a family feud or out of vengence, this is much less random, but could've been avoided if there were rule of law.
• A car or suicide bomber if you're standing in the wrong place such as near army recruitement center or something religious.
• If you're an arab foreigner you could be wrongly sentenced to death. Something Nahida worries about for Attiyeh our Sudanese helper who lives with us. Sudanese people here have been here for a long time, doing the work that Iraqis don't want to do for cheap.
• If you're a foreigner, you could be put on tv, and video clips on the net will show your head being chopped off.
• If you sell alcohol or consume it in public.
• If you hang out with a person of the opposite sex on a romantic spot by the river.
  

Those are all the ways I can think of right now. There are probably more. So is it Iraq less or more dangerous than the media makes it out to be. After thinking about it. I would say it is or even more so.

But to live in danger isn't the only thing that really sucks about living in Iraq. It's the overwhelming degrading quality of life which is for the most part because of the security problem.

Before the war, we used to stay out very late at night. There were prostitutes on the streets that could give you a blowjob for a few bucks. There was booze in the stores. There was locally made beer that everybody had a suspicion that it was spiked. When I was in school in the mid 90s we used to make house parties, boys and girls would come over and we'd go home around midnight.

Now, we're all home by 9pm and the prostitutes all left to other countries to make more money or aren't able to work on the streets anymore because of punk zealots. All the booze shops got closed down because of the same psycho zealots that threatened to blown them up and in many cases they did. I think the local beer factory got blown up by the americans because they thought it was a chemical arms plant I think. And because of the security situation parents are very fearful of letting their girls go out of the house except if it is to go to school or work (the religious-social norms-wholesome-decency thing comes into play here too strengthened by the fear created by the psycho zealots).

There, I'm done :p

Don't press SHIFT for too long

This is a great oppurtunity, every day is a great oppurtunity, and I'm ungrateful for it. Why the hell did I have to sleep late last night. I've had lots of ideas of what I wanted to write here while I was sitting in a back seat of a car. But those ideas escape me now. That often happens to me.

I've got to call mum, and see what she wants to do. Electriciy is a little better. I really need to go crrraap. Eventually I will, that's for sure. The electricity which comes for 2 continuous hours at a time will cut off under 20 minutes. If I choose to wait much longer I'll have to also go outside the house turn off the electricity from the switchboard, turn off the fridge, water cooler, water heater and then turn on the generator.

I'll go now.

Toilet Troubles

Early morning, and I've yet to go to sleep. I wish I could just leave the TV and close my eyes and try to doze off. But I can't do that because I'm using the electric generator which I have to turn off before I go to sleep. And it's not that I'm scared of the dark, but I get anxious and the complaining about the electricity routine starts running through my mind along with the all the other things I usually complaining to myself about.

Nahida has been moody ever since I got back. I hope she stays like that, I can't stand her most of the time when she's perky. Her brother got sent to jail by the Americans shortly after I left to Lebanon. Her sister was here a couple of days ago. He's allowed a 55 minute visit once a week. He's being kept in a tent in Baghdad Int. Airport or what I think is referred to as the red zone. Or is the red zone all that's not the greenzone. Or maybe there's no red zone and I just made that up. It's a big place from what I hear. Some guy told the americans that he makes car bombs. And just because some dude accused him of that, the americans took him. His sister says that it gets very cold at night where he stays. I'll ask him what it was like after he gets out. Now I'm going to watch south park.

I once spent a few days in an iraqi jail. It wasn't traumatising, I think everybody around me was bribed. Nahida brought me my meals every day. When I got sent there I was very drunk and woke up with a terrible hang-over. Those were the days I used to pop 4 prozacs a day and get drunk off whiskey. It's lame, how far I have to go to learn a lesson. Anyway, that following morning, I puked my guts out in the toilet and then wanted to take a dump, but the toilets weren't your regular stools. Nope it had to be... the dreaded hole in the ground deal. Uptil then I had somehow avoided making use of them. So with a full fledged hangover and my pants pulled down I crouched above the unflushable hole and missed some. I actually shat on my pants. A year later, I had to make use of one of those toilets again in a mosque in Kurdistan near the turkish border. It was a nice place beside a clear river.

Finally found my lighter

These nicotine patches seemed to work in the beginning, but now I'm having my doubts. Maybe it's because of the cheap cigarettes that contain really nasty additives made in a place with no regulatory body supervises.

Fozzy went to the farm while I was out this morning, I thought my dad, nahida and I were going to go back with him. What I'm wondering is whether I would've gone with him had I had the chance. I really have to go there. There's no reason why I should stay here in Baghdad.

A couple of days ago I heard that barbers have been threatened if they use their hair plucking with a string technique. The consequences of such a threat involves the barber's shop getting blown up. They use the technique to remove the upper cheak of a man's beard, I tried once a long time ago and it's really painful, so painful I couldn't let the barber finish off.

Yagga Yagga Yagga

The day after my last post we left to Baghdad again. It was a smooth trip on the whole, meaning we didn't spend hours without moving. But as we approached Fallujah which is on the way to Baghdad, a large convoy of lorrys accompanied by US forces were getting onto the highway and we had to stop for over half an hour till they all got on. We then continued to follow the convoy at half the speed we usually travel for the remainder of the way to Baghdad, by the time the convoy got out of our way, it had bottle-necked all the traffic coming from Syria into one big convoy of it's own. Several of the roads leading into Baghdad were closed and after going in circles for a little bit we eventually started the rest of our own convoy into some place we didn't recognize. It was about 9pm and the there wasn't a person in sight. All the lights in the streets were off and all the shops were closed. Which reminded me of a time when Baghdad used to stay alive till midnight and made me wonder when will things go back to normal. We eventually got dropped off home, barely able to recognize my own main street in mansour because of the dark.

Now I've been here for 10 days. The novelty of coming back home wore off with a day or two. I've already created a routine for myself, involving waking up late, watching tv, and going to sleep late.

Viva La Nicotine Patch

At around 10 am on the 6th of February, with a nicotine patch on my back, my dad and I standing at Bath Spa Coach Station, waiting for the 403 National Express service to Heathrow. A couple hours later and a couple of hours early for our flight we arrived at the airport. After the metal detectors, a passport control guy took a look at my passport, asked me where I was heading, I told him that I was on my way to Baghdad. In turn, he said 'that's a dodgy place to go' and asked if it is as it seems on tv. I'm still unsure whether he's implying that it is I or Baghdad that is dodgy.

Since my return from London, I've had a cold and have been having trouble with my left ear. It's blocked. But that was just annoying since I had to sometimes tell my dad to speak louder so that I can hear him sometimes, until, the plane had to land and the pain in my ears from the change of pressure was multiplied by ten. The lay-over in Athens was only 2 hours for which
I'm grateful, since on the way to the UK it was something like 6 hours.

I arrive in our cheap hotel on Hamra St. in Beirut and sleep for 24 hours. Get out of bed and finally leave the hotel room to get something to eat at around 3 am. Later that day, we a cab picks up to take us to Damascus. We would've preferred to leave at night, but snow on the roads would've meant that the roads would've been closed.

10pm we leave Sayadet Zeineb in a cab that had no heating and instead blankets which we were to use while waiting in the queue outside the iraqi borders in no man's land. The Iraqi borders usually open at 7 am which is a real inconvenience, since it creates a very tight time window through which to travel since it's dangerous to make the last stretch of the trip which passes through Fallujah and Ramadi at night. Thus causing alot of congestion at the time the borders open. And as a result of this congestion you'd be lucky to make it to Baghdad that same day.

I woke up at around 11 am, and it seemed we hadn't moved at all since we queued up 7 hours ago. The borders had remained closed while I was asleep. And we were told that they were to remain closed for 5 days. We stuck around for a few more hours just in case the border folk change their mind. But after all the cars in the queue had left so did we.

Upon returning to Damascus dad took us to a hotel that he had used to stay at when he was a little kid with my grandpa in the center of town called Hotel Omar Khayyam, but in grandpa's days it used to be called something like the Omayyid Hotel I think.

I've just taken my first walk through Damascus. Which I'm glad I've done since this is the 4th time I've passed through this city. Now I know there's nothing to see, and I want to go home. Tomorrow I might be off to Amman and wait it out there, it all depends on Dad I guess.

Little City Me Don't Like The Big City

London wasn't that great of an experience, did alot of drugs the night I got there. Daddy and Mummy wouldn't be proud. Cocaine, ecstasy, hash, and Stella beer, which they claim is responsible for men beating up their wives. Did have the oppurtunity to go with Dan's friends to a club called The Egg. But Dan didn't want to go probably because he was all smashed up. And I didn't go alone with his dodgy friends and also because I was well smashed up too.

The next day I went to see Hansie and Kiko, they had partied the night before and finished all their cash, the bastards. They picked me up from the tube station with a box of beer, and promise of spicy chicken later tonight. 2 nights later we dined with Maha in a Ethiopian restaurant near King's Cross Train Station. Hans was at the station way ahead of all of us. I thought I was late when I arrived an hour after the rendez-vous time, but was still ahead of the Maha and Kiko. Hans dragged me with him to the public library to see the Magna Carta and a copy of the Gutemburg Bible.

The food that night was pretty cool but I had begun to lose my appetite as I was beginning to get a really cruel cold (which I still have till today). We all but Kiko drank a big load of Ethiopian coffee, which we later found out to be called Crack-Coffee, because it us all up except for Kiko all night. The next day, I helped Kiko move some of his stuff out of Hans's and into his new place, that ended up taking all day, alot more than I had expected. Hans spent that whole time at home. After a last meal of spicey chicken I left the guys and made my way back home to Bath.

I'm off to London tomorrow.

And from the UK

I'm at my bro's place now, not much going on. Just had a late lunch with him at his home. He's off for a snooze. And once I'm off the pc I'll be left to the mercy to those kids of his. One of them is trying to get into the room. And he finally did. Annoying little bugger hehehe.

I'm spending my time watching videos and eating too much.

I found a diary of mine dating to 1992. I must've been about 10 years old. It's got less than 10 entries, the first ones were written in the uk and the rest in Paris.

I called Dan and told him that I was going to stay at his place hehehe. Daniel is the guy with whom I wound up in several British bases in the south of Iraq following the war, as a result of a failed attempt to get him out of the country through Kuwait.

Pay 9 bucks for a pack of cigarettes, not me! I'm smoking rollies or my brother's cigarettes. It's good that he's finally started buying cigarettes.

Mum keeps telling me stay here in the UK, which I could be an option if I don't get accepted by LAU. I could get a crap job, do an open university thing, and things might not be too bad. As I get older it's getting alot harder to dream of being somebody succesful.

I'm a bit glad that I'm not in Baghdad right now, they haven't had running water for a week now. And that's a first since the war.

In Beirut

I hate being here.

Tonight, I'll be leaving Baghdad

Yuck, I'm leaving town. It's cold, why in the world does it have to be cold tonight?! Yup from here on it's going to be cold for quite a long time. I'm already grumpy. I'm really really grumpy. Dinner got screwed because the damn cheese didn't melt on the pizza. I had to eat kebab instead, which along with felafels I strongly dislike eating during a trip because it leaves me with a really bad taste rising from my stomach. I ate felafels today for lunch. It really isn't a good day.

Ahh, TEAAAA :) I love you.

The electricity has been awful the past few days. Something like 12 hours = off, 2 hours = on.

Here's my first picture post: It's my roof where you see 2 satellite dishes, a wifi internet thingie, and Atiyeh's bed. 

The coolest thing about today!

Not only did I put AdSense into my blog. I also saw how our Sudanese handy man regulates our electric generator. Now I'll be able to fix that pile of junk whenever it decides not to give enough juice.

I haven't acheived so much in a long time. Maybe this year I will be different.

Oh and I finished that bottle of Jim Bean last night. I still think that bottle was bootlegged.

Ads won't make me any richer.

I got the Google AdSense thingie going on. Would be very funny if I actually got paid something.

I wonder how to put some pics on my page.

Listening to some 'The Who' songs I just downloaded. I used to get high and listen to this stuff when in my first semester of uni.

I didn't bite my nails today weehee. My computer is dying on me. I don't know what to do with it. I'll be leaving in a few days. Should I fix it? I think there was a problem with my Creative Live! sound card. I took it out and did something with the windows CD (I don't know what) and it seems to work now. Running on the motherboard built-in sound card, and I've been ungrateful for that thing for so long.

Regarding that AdSense thingie, I could try to bring alot of attention to the site. But that's just not me is it. I actually keep this blog as a secret from my friends.

My Tummy

5 am here, i'm really tired, my tummy wants me to go the toilet i think. I finally finished that bottle of Jim Bean, I'm guessing it wasn't the real thing. I've got mosquitos in my room. Things are blowing up alot around town.Dad's decidedfor us to go to Lebanon this coming Saturday. I've tempted him to take us to the UK. He sees it as an oppurtunity to go to Germany to see somebody. I've managed to stop biting my nails for a week, but i'm back to it today. Must must stop. I'm thinking of how to lead my new life in Lebanon, but me being who I am, all those ideas probably won't come to be.

Life's pretty quiet over here as usual. I've left my home a couple of times over the last week. And oh my god, the traffic is horrendous. It took me 2 and a half hours to get to uni. It used to take me half an hour. And the other time, I tagged along with my friends India and K because we were all invited to Omar's little graduation party at home.

It was the day that the car bomb blew up near the president's place which is in my neighbourhood. We took a cab and got a tour of Kergh (that's a name) side of baghdad trying to get to the Rissafa (the name of the other half of baghdad), we even passed by the jail I got tossed in. We eventually had to walk a bridge and catch another cab on the other side. We finally got to Bab al Shargi (which is one of the main marketplaces of baghdad) where you can find second hand electronics, watches and tons and tons of pirated DVDs for just over a dollar each. India brought us here to install a mod chip into his new XBox. The XBox was sold to him by a game that works with US forces and who's selling stuff from the PX (US military WalMart kind of thing).

At a traffic stop on the way to Karada, a Kia driver began yelling at the car in front of him. The Car in front was leaking petrol. I was relieved that when that car drove off in a different direction after we began to move. K bought some perfume. I also got Omar a perfum, which my brother brought me from the UK the last time he came. We then got our presents wrapped up in a little shop across the street. And headed off to Omar's. The rest is pretty boring, except Omar stressed out India for not alerting the mod chip dude that his XBox was a 110 volts model.

Detecting Tsunamis

lots of people dead in the south pacific, but i don't care, a couple of years from now i'm sure i wouldn't even remember it happened.

i hope these blog things stick around.

yesterday it was 20k dead, today it's 60k. every person probably has about 6 people that are very close and would truly mourn that person. 60k times 6... 360k people that really give a damn about the lives lost excluding those weirdos that can get an emotion out of a statistic.

what's been happening lately... i wish i knew what i wrote in my last blog.

aub rejected me, dad nearly got killed by iraqi security because he drove towards a mosque and then began to reverse which is when they started to shoot at him. fortunately they're crap at aiming with their ak47s, that and my dad's the terminator, he miraculously survived a bullet that went inside the car, through the seat, through his jacket, and simply got scratched. well now he's shitting his pants, and is giving the move to lebanon full steam ahead.

i don't quite understand how my dad makes decisions, but he just seams to use any excuse to support his decisions even though they appear after taking the decision. even after the initial premise for the decision no longer stands. sounds familiar yet?

made myself some black coffee (no sugar), damn this stuff tastes nice, i've been drinking just tea for the past month. ahhh, coffee and cigarettes, the bitter taste of coffee at the back of the tongue, the cigarette smoke travelling in and numbing the taste of the coffee for just a moment.

i'm 23 and i've just recently developed acme problems. weird shit. maybe i should get some antibiotics.

i've downloaded a bunch of songs from '96, that can't be healthy either. i'm looking forward to going someplace where i won't listen to music. when i was a little kid i didn't listen to music much. i remember being on my way to infants school. my mum was driving me there in her little blue volvo and i was sitting in the back. there was a really sad song on the car radio. it wasn't that sad, it was a pop song, the i love you kind i think, and i had this urge to cry and i tried ever so hard not to but i ended up shedding a tear. i don't understand why i felt compelled to restrain myself, and now, i really wish i did cry my eyes out.

i've watched soo many simpsons episodes over the past couple of weeks, i've still got one disc to go through, but i'm saving that more desperate times. earlier this evening i bought a bunch of dvds: i, robot; the recruit, aliens vs. predator, phone booth, seen all but the last one. all were pretty good time killers.

new year's eve is coming up in a few days, no need to send a bunch of e-mails for that occasion fortunately. my brother suggested that i get a present for dad for the occasion so that i get one in return. i haven't been getting presents from my dad lately. as much as he would like to boast that he would purchase something grand for me, but somehow i make the point that whatever he has in mind just doesn't do it for me. for example if he were to suggest to buy me a car i would be really glad, but if it's a ford escort from the early 90s, then i rather walk.

i really wonder why i feel that i've got no control over my life. and it's really strange how around about this time 3 years ago, i lost it. i lost it in an amazing way. i went crazy. literally crazy, mental asylum crazy, and since that time i've been unable to resume my life. 3 years! how can i forget it. 3 years of sitting in this room of mine, doing nothing.

going back 3 years ago, i was a mess, but i was a student in the uk, preparing myself to study maths in a really good university. and then within a week i messed it beyond repair. i lost my mind and destroyed myself. destroyed it all. i did my best to destroy it. when i walked around in lebanon, one of the places that i visited during that week, i felt awful. I even visited the same office i did during that horrible week. maybe i spoke to that same lady. the phrase digging out the past comes to mind.

i wish there was something tying me down, but there isn't. if there was something tying me down, i wish i knew what it was. all i've done ever since i've graduated from high school has amounted to nothing. i've got an empty cv. i've lived in iraq and lebanon for a total of 10 years. and I can't read the bloody newspaper. i guess this suggests that i need a plan to stick to. ideas of getting a deadly job sounds attractive. maybe i can pin something up in the british consulate. it's not like i haven't thought about all this before.

time to look at some pics of naked ladies, and then watch phone booth.

One Month Later

I went to Lebanon last month for a week. It was a horrible trip. I went there to apply for re-admission at my old uni. And today I got the reply. I got rejected. I was relying on pity to get me in. It really was a horrible trip.

Well maybe it's about time I give up on the idea of going to university.

I've started to do a little weight lifting. I had cut down on my smoking too to one pack a day. But a couple of days with the boys and I think I messed that up.

I've been popping paroxetine for the past few days too. That trip to Lebanon had brought me down. And already I think the effects of the pills are wearing off. Damn pills don't work.

As soon as I arrived, I took the piss out of Nahida and then she made reference to my mum. She's been trying not to talk to me for a few days, but she's growing weak, and will be doing all the things she's used to doing for me.

Tania left to Lebanon a day before I got back from Lebanon. Good for her, she's gone for good, on her way to Cyprus. Damn cunt, owes Nahida 200 bucks. Of which I was relying on paying for my internet monthly rate. Fortunately, when I called the ISP up to tell them that I can't afford this month's internet they said I could have it for free... hehehe.