Drugs on the farm?

I've been hearing about a flower that people plant for its nice smell and that is also a drug. This is the first one I've seen. There's a story of a little girl that ate some of these flowers and died. The farmer's could also be pulling my leg.

A Day at the Harvest

Why do the people look so small in the picture? There are a lot of these women dressed in black, about thirteen in sight right now. They come and collect the stalks with rice that the combine harvester misses. They collect the stalks in a bag and beat the bag with a stick to thrash the paddy from the stalks.
A few also come to ask for some of the paddy that the combine dumps that the farmer and I split. So we give then about fifteen kilograms from each pile.
There are alot more than there were last year. I thought it was because we had poor crops last year, but I'm told that there women that come from far away places have gathered here because this here is one of the few places that managed to cultivate in spite of the drought.
There was one guy that had been following us since the first day and would walk off at the end of each day with a big bag. It's good to see he's not here today. He got me wondering how much is enough.
Oh no, it's started to rain again. We didn't harvest yesterday because of the rain. It's also started to get cold. I might now need to switch my white summer dishdasha for a winter one.

Harvest will Start

The harvest starts tomorrow. I'm nearly ready and will make an effort to blog from my phone during the harvest. I hope it's not as exciting as the last harvest. I also hope that the farmers don't have much to complain about either. The thing they annoyed me the most about last time regarded getting a 'shovel' (big yellow vehicle with a big scooper in the front). A lot of them got that taken care of after the last harvest. Some will complain that I'm compensating a little less than they expected for the 'shovels'.

After this harvest is through, I'm going to have to start thinking of how I'm going to spend my first twenty million. It's going to totally change the way I think of spending my money. No longer will it be worth my while to spend money on expensive restaurants and the occasionally nasty prostitute. I could try saving my money and travel instead. I'll try to get a job too, but I definitely have to travel even it's to piss in a foreign country and fly right back.

No orn

I haven't wanked in a long time. Having my dad around has made me feel uncomfortable about doing, his room is just across the corridor from mine. He's taken over my room at the plantation and now I'm sleeping the living room and I think it's time I move that bottle of vodka out of sight it's been lying around on a drawer in the corner for a week. I should not be leaving that around for my dad to see. It is a half-bottle of absolute, maybe it doesn't look so suspicious. Let's see, (thinking about wanking) I do need a shower too.

I might as well drink the vodka, there's not much left in it anyway. Never mind, I don't have anymore but I've got plenty to keep me high. Getting high so much is beginning to make me feel I've lost my focus on controlling my life. The good news is that I'm still making the changes I decided I need to make before feeling that I've lost my focus on controlling my life. Maybe I could say that I was in 'boss me' mode and that I'm now in 'do-er me' mode now. Drank the vodka, and the result is that I had so little there's no effect.

This laptop doesn't have any video porn! They got accidentally deleted a while back and I haven't copied anything new. Maybe that's why I haven't been wanking. But back in Baghdad, I've found a bunch of stuff on my old laptop some of which I didn't even know I had. Should have copied some. Porn sites have also lost a great deal of their appeal these days too. I'm definitely wanking tonight no matter what.

I did get turned heavily turned on last weekend though, my dad and I visited some family. That was the most fun I ever had during a family visit, because they Wii at their house. And I got so horny after coming back from their house. They had a very cute sixteen year old daughter. Yes, it's wrong. Fortunately however, she was off my mind the next day and thinking about her now isn't doing anything to me.

Getting a Cut

Autumn started the day of my last post. Ever since the weather hasn't climbed over forty Centigrade. The weather's been lovely ever since. There was one rainy and windy day in the plantation when I was in Baghdad. That day was my birthday. When I came back, portions of the crop had been knocked down by the wind which was a sore sight.

I had a bunch of issues to go through with my dad. One thing that he caught onto quickly enough was that he should play down his authoritarian attitude with me about how things should be done. He now understands that I like to do things differently and that it works. A few days ago, my dad agreed to giving me a portion of the profits. We haggled until we agreed that I get 30% of the profits. That's about 20 million dinars ($16,000) for the last wheat season. I'll also be responsible for paying for my own expenses in Baghdad. The most annoying thing about having my dad around is that he keeps waking me up early in the morning.

Both my father and I are doing better now that we agreed on a cut for myself. He was very apprehensive of the idea at first, but we finally sat down to talk about it he quickly become more receptive. He couldn't sleep that night and the next day after a bad night's sleep he did accuse me of trying to weasel as much money as possible. But after a good rest, he switched to a good mood and now I'm a bit worried that maybe he's figured that he got himself a good deal and that I got ripped off.

Kiki's thinking of coming back. He's still in Malaysia and finally got a job that was passed down to him after the friend he went to Malaysia with flew off to America. He asked if he could stay at my place which of course he's always welcomed to. It would be really nice having him back. It would bring back the spirit of the old times. He was always the one that I was sure to find when I used to visit during summer break when I was living in Lebanon. My ex-neighbour's been here for a month, and Kiki asked if he was staying at his old house. But ex-neighbour is cooped up in grandma's, I told Kiki that he did think about moving back into his old house. It would be great to see the old gang grow back.

Wine from a Tea Pot

Woke up with a slight sore throat. Must have not covered myself well last night as well as smoked too much. Yesterday, was my birthday.

After a morning going round the local offices with my dad to distribute gifts, Nahida popped out the cake she had prepared the night before. Dad remarked by the time he was twenty-eight he was already into his second marriage.

From there I drove back to Baghdad, bought some wine and went over to my ex-neighbour's place. Another friend from school showed up a little later and we went out for dinner where we were served wine in cups out of a tea pot!

Clarification on a Point in Previous Post

In my last post I started off with:

How do these people tolerate their miserable lives in this country? Why does it feel like I'm the only one who is so unhappy with things and in other words why can't I find myself a normal girl to sleep with. It's not just that really, but then again it might be just that.

But to clarify, what it is that bothers me is that people men and women don't socialize in public. It's alright for a guy and a girl to phone each other now that there's no risk of any of the parents picking up the phone or chat on the internet. As long as it's out of sight of the judging eye of society.

Why is it that if people see a guy and a girl out together that they have to come to the conclusion that they're dating. It would be nice if I could someday go to a classmate's house, say hi to her parents and go have some lunch or dinner.

What I'm trying to get to is why can't guys hang out with girls just like guys hang out with guys. If a guy sleeps over at another's house it doesn't mean they're going to bum fuck each other, so why shouldn't it be the same when a girl sleeps over. That is an extreme analogy, but it gets to the point.

I don't think it's just society and its judgmental attitude that's to blame. The guys and the girls are to blame too somehow. Guys here in general have a disrespectful attitude towards girls. Girls on the other hand think of themselves as so precious. So precious, that she would only go out with a guy if she was indeed on a date with him, which ultimately supports society's view of a guy and a girl out together.

In the end, you end up with two halves of society that don't take the chance to get to know each other so that they may respect each other on a personal level and not necessarily thing of each other as something to sleep with or marry.

Since I'm a guy, I should defend my camp. It's so hard to have a personal relationship with a girl that when one does finally get to do so with a girl, that girl gets the focus of his urge to procreate. As for the girls, I'd like to see them explain themselves without blaming us guys.

The Things That Bother Me With My Life

How do these people tolerate their miserable lives in this country? Why does it feel like I'm the only one who is so unhappy with things and in other words why can't I find myself a normal girl to sleep with. It's not just that really, but then again it might be just that.

My dad's coming in just a few more days. I'm very angry and I'm going to direct most of it at him. Usually he's the one that gets angry at me, but I've got so much anger piled up that I'm not even going to give him the chance to have a go at me. I'll admit there's only myself to blame for letting my life lead me to where I am.

I've never felt so much anger within me. Except for a certain time and that was because I was drugged up. Anger can be utilized as a good motivator.

Ever smelled the wonderful scent of a dead rat? It is horrible! It's worse than the smell of a few days old corpse. That's what the kitchen and the corridor here at my place at the plantation smells of right now. I'm surprised the smell is never followed by that of vomit. That smell is like a bad memory, I mean just remembering it smells bad.

I'm also angry at the government. They make my job so much harder because of their incompetence and bureaucracy and their idiotic methods to stifle fraud. Every single farmer as well as I feel that the government is trying its best to make things harder on us.

For example today, I had to go through about eleven people to get a government document permitting me to purchase new wheat seeds from a mixed sector seed company.

Will continue this later...maybe

Don't Like Sleeping Pills

Spoke to dad today, just to ask him about his visit's itinerary (he's coming next week). I haven't been speaking to him ever since the wheat harvest. Last month, I spoke to him twice both times ending with me getting very angry and hanging up in his face. Whilst discussing collecting rent for our storage rooms my dad pointed out that our financial status isn't good. This coming from a man that's spent his life saving pennies to accumulate a lump of savings with he prides himself.

The truth is that since I'm in a position to be well aware of what our finances look like. We didn't ride any post-war gravy train like most people. My dad kept doing things like he knows how, making sure he's got a good rate on his saving's account. But the last year or so has been bad. The mill was a failure and he had bought some property in the nineties that it now turns out were sold with forged documents and upon which we had built and another part of sold.

My father's very old and it must be very disappointing for him to see his fortune just slip away towards the twilight of his life. It does however seem that he's taking it quite well. My brother told me he's going to go on a cruise in the Caribbean and to not say he told me. I do feel I have reason to be pissed off at my father for that, considering I had an argument with him the last time he came when I asked for a vacation in Europe and he told me that all we could afford for me was a two-week vacation in a cheap hotel in Lebanon or some other neighbouring country. Then again, it's his money and he's entitled to do whatever he wishes with it.

All my life I've more or less followed what my dad told me to do, except for the many years which I spent getting high at university abroad and he's been covering all my expenses for most of my life and the past year hasn't been an exception. But after working for over a year on the plantation, I've pocketed nothing yet except the nice car he gave me as a 'graduation present' but more for the sake of helping me do my work. If it was up to me, I'd charge the car on the plantation. Actually, that's a good idea. But now my dad's ship is sinking, I think it's time for me to jump off.

I'm going to have to try to have a proper sit down with him and hope he takes me seriously for a change. He should also be aware that I'm ready to start taking care of myself and should have some idea of what he can offer me. I do however, want to clear out a lot of nonsense between us, layout a new framework for our relationship and discuss with him the way I perceive things.

Tomorrow I want to go visit a bunch of government offices, it's past three in the morning now and I haven't slept yet. This is very annoying.