Wednesday, January 30, 2008

It's Fruit Flavoured

I've got a cold. It's a rather strong one too. I've got a runny nose nearly all the time. I feel lazy and a little dizzy too. I'm doing my best to enjoy that high. Rather than rot in a pile of wet tissues today, Nahida's brother came over this morning and we went to get my car fixed some more. There's still that gaping hole in the back. So we dropped off my car at the repair shop and it should be ready on Sunday. I just have one more exam tomorrow and I can't be bothered to study for it. I'm planning to study the material on my way to college. I should be fine.

Yesterday, I went pharmacy shopping. I was hoping to get some anti-depressant drugs (Bupropion) that are supposed to help one quit smoking. But there weren't any. I told them I saw them on Oprah, and the pharmacist said there were drugs that aren't exported out of the States and Europe. I also asked for some for some other anti-depressant (Paroxetine) that causes sexual dysfunction but which in effect leads to keeping it up longer when having sex if one does manage to get it up. After that last experience with Farah I thought I could do with some help. But they were out of stock of that and said that they should have some sent in next week. However, another pharmacy said that Jordan isn't importing it anymore. I ended up walking off with some Aspirin, Vitamin C effervescent tablets, Spray on plasters, and fruit-flavoured condoms.

Back to today, I spoke to Zeina again. and I asked her how she planned to come over without her parent's knowledge. And then things with her started to change. She completely contradicted herself saying that she couldn't come over and then suggested that we could maybe catch a glimpse of each other when she goes to the market with her parents. And then she told me that she lives in a different neighbourhood and that she only studied in the neighbourhood that I thought she lived in. And all the subtle suggestions to have sex disappeared. And so it seems I've made a big fuss over nothing.

I'm tired of being teased. This coming holiday, I'm going to get me a prostitute. In the meantime I'm going to jack off with one of these fruit-flavoured condoms.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Car Fixed

Felt like shit yesterday. Looking back it could be because I gave my phone number and too much personal information to that cab driver on Thursday. Stupid mistakes like that leave me in a bad mood for a while. But I haven't been in a great mood since last Sunday. I remember feeling a little high that Sunday morning, and then everything began to go wrong and I was overwhelmed with negativity. Fortunately, I'm feeling alot better today.

Today, Nahida's bros took me and my car to the Sheikh Omar. I remember that neighbourhood was too dangerous to go to a year or two ago, but it's back in action now. I got a new window, a new fuel tank, a new rear-view mirror and a new rear axle. None of those were actually 'new', but instead second-hand parts; they do do the job though. That annoying hum from the axle is finally gone.

I spoke for five minutes to Zeina today, I beginning to trust her. I'm coming to think that if she was in anyway dodgy it would show through her personality. And then there was that similar experience with Farah a couple of years ago. Exams end in a week and now I'm trying to decide whether or not to tell her that my car is repaired. I'm still waiting for a chance to talk to her about the mistrust I've got towards her to see how she'd react and to explain why my lies haven't been adding up.

It's half past eleven at night now, and I've got to hurry up and begin studying for tomorrow's exam which to my advantage is in English and God knows that the poor suckers in my class have been struggling on it, but not me.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Being Played... Again?

About a month ago perhaps, some girl called me up on my phone. She told her name was Zeina, that she was seventeen and lived in a neighbourhood on the other side of the city. And she'd ask me questions that I'd try not to answer honestly such as where do I study and where do I live. After I had told her what neighbourhood I lived she asked me where exactly. I didn't tell her where I lived exactly and rhetorically asked her if she was going to come and pay me a visit. And the whole time I was able to hear the beeps signaling that she was recording the conversation on her phone. We spoke on the phone a two or three times perhaps and then she disappeared.

A couple of nights ago she called again. And this time she said she wanted to meet up. I asked her if she meant a scenario in which she'd be walking through the shops with her family and in which we'd see each other from a distance but that wasn't what she had in mind, that she wanted us to hang out together and take it from there so to speak. I told her that I couldn't come and pick her up because my car doesn't work, so she said she'd come over to mine. Either way we wouldn't till the holidays start. We finished our conversation with the plan to call each other after midnight (calls after midnight are much cheaper). She was sleeping at her aunt's and when I called her they were still awake and so we didn't get to talk.

So that next day, I asked people about what should I do. Because on one hand this is the chance to get laid and on the other a ploy asking for trouble. It's hard to listen to advice when one's dick is shouting out that this a great chance to get laid. Enie said he thought it was indeed dodgy and that he could investigate her if I could remember what school she attended. Some other person told me that there have been kidnappings of guys done in such a manner. Suzy on the other hand told me to go ahead with it and that that's how that generation operates.

On my way back from college, I asked the cab driver that had said he used to work for intelligence and that on the way had told me the whole story of an Adel Imam movie. Adel Imam is the chief of police and discovers that the cause of husband's murdering their wives is caused by their impotence which is in turn caused by a government that does not take care of the quality of life of its population. The movie ends with a demonstration with people yelling "Enough, Enough" led by Adel Imam.

The cab driver said it would be okay if it wasn't for my wealth status. He suggested that I could stand her up and then the girl might spill out her intent. He also said I could skip the whole headache and just get a prostitute and that he could hook me up. So we swapped phone numbers. After that, I felt that I'm just asking for trouble from strangers.

Sunday, January 13, 2008


I got myself some Weetabix the other day when I went over to Enie's house. It reminds me of the days at Pat's house in Lebanon because it was my favourite munchies after we'd smoke up.

Had a weird dream this morning whilst Nahida was waking me up, it involved two friends of mine from Lebanon. Hans and a chick I fancied. It was weird because I felt like I had some control over my actions in my dream and that I could just maybe resolve some lingering frustration that I had towards that girl. But I wasn't able to think of something, and the dream drifted off to a pack of cigarette's that Hans picked that contained a free pack of gum inside.

Saw Fulu at college today. Spoke to her and her friend a little. Had her friend not been with her it would've been interesting to flirt with her a little face to face. I still can't call her anymore, because it would be "weird". It's all good anyway.

I'm trying to meditate these days. Sitting down with my legs crossed, relaxing, trying to follow my breath and find my center. Then I'd try to imagine a light there and let that light spread within me. I don't know if I'm doing it right. But the part when I try to relax all the muscles in my body seems to have a nice effect.

It's all part of me trying to get in touch with my feelings and understanding myself and my interactions better. Most of the time I resemble a sloth, but there are times when I get really nervous and jittery. For example today, after all my classmates left and I was left waiting for Sav so I could hitch a ride back home with him; I walked over to a couple of guys that I'm acquaintance with who were chatting to a hot chick. I got so freaking nervous, I had been introduced to the girl they all pretty much went quiet once. So I rambled, asking them in turn what their favourite flavour of soup was (They preferred vegetable soup over lentil soup). I talked to the girl, and she smiled at me and I did my best to maintain eye contact and smile back before having to leave.

I got nothing but tests coming up. I got one tomorrow, the day after, the day after that and the day after too. The week after my mid-year exams start. It's too much. I've got a mean test tomorrow too: administrative accounting. The number work isn't all that hard really, but there's alot of text to read too. I've decided to not bother with the text and just focus with the number work. The only trouble is that I haven't studied any of the number work today. I was planning to start an hour ago I think, but I've eaten too much and I'm really sleepy.

Actually, I haven't eaten that much. I think I might have a flatulence problem. I'm farting plenty and my tummy feels bloated. What did I eat today? one packet of Peanut M&Ms, one double kebab sandwich (which isn't really that big), one bowl of soup and a bun, three pieces of Bessboussa (some Arabian sweet that I've recently fallen in love with) and one bowl of Weetabix.

Friday, January 11, 2008


Last night I slept over at Enie's we were supposed to study but didn't. This morning at around half past seven this morning another classmate called him and said it was snowing outside. Enie woke me up, I peeked outside and it was indeed snowing. Unfortunately, the snow melted once it touched the ground. Well after that I was so excited that I went back to sleep.