Saturday, September 01, 2007

Ass Wipe

Recently it dawned on me why there's so much unfriendly to the nose 2 ply tissue paper in clear plastic bag packs. And the reason which isn't obvious because it's not printed on the pack is that the tissue meant to be used to wipe your ass with. I got the pack from my toilet in front of me now. Gentle and absorbent it says, and believe me there's no way a person should go through a cold with this stuff. And it goes on to call itself facial tissues when it is in of fact it's butt tissue. But I'm a convert to this cheap 'facial tissue' ever since my uncle stayed with me and put a pack of it in the toilet. One of the pack's trademark was my name come to think of it, does my uncle have a sick sense of humour and did he buy that brand on purpose? So the trouble I was facing with normal toilet paper was that bits of toilet paper would get stuck on my hairy butt because my butt would be so wet from using the bidet. The larger area of tissue paper is also a plus.

It's been about two weeks I've been more or less stuck at home. It's really hard to want to go out once I think about the heat outside and the horrendous traffic. And there was that stupid traffic ban earlier this week. I've had Miz and Mos sleepover a lot. Nahida found us a couple of deck of cards and we spent two nights playing konkan (or 51) in the garden. And we made up a rule that after every round the losers do as many push ups as they have cards in their hands to a limit of ten. Miz ended up doing over a hundred the first night because he didn't want to lay down his cards until he was ready to win, whereas I being the least healthy was all too willing to lay down my cards even if it meant losing.

In a couple of days I'll be heading back to the farm. I haven't achieved anything there yet. But I really must get something done on this trip. I've been spending some time trying to make out heads and tails of OpenOffice's Calc whilst I've been here. I've got a lot to learn to make Calc work for me. I'm worried it would get so complicated that I won't be able to get it to do what I want. But when I'll be in the farm I know I'll be able to focus on it a lot better than whilst I'm here in Baghdad. I'm feeling guilty for not getting anything done over there. It's going to be hard to tell my dad I'm going on a vacation if I don't get at least a few things done.


Anonymous said...

hey, you still around? what are you up to bro?

Shaggy said...

I'm around, just too lazy and bored to post these days. Last night, I made myself faint in the garden by crouching, breathing very fast and then standing quickly whilst holding my breath. My head still hurts a bit from the fall. Well that's how bored I am these days.

snafoo said...

Come on, Shaggy, we readers need your blog for procrastination. Do it for the cause!

Fartman said...

Hey, you lazy's it hangin'? Loose and full of juice? I remember when Matera taught you that fainting technique. You almost cracked your head open on some weights.

Shaggy said...

Fartman! Last month, I was so bored, I made myself faint again using Matera's technique in the garden. This time however, I ended up with a splitting headache from the fall on my head. Still was fun and I slept like a baby shortly afterwards.