Lazy Lane

There's a lost feeling in every one of us isn't there? A little something that yearns to come back to the place it came from. And how I wish I could grab it, to re-aquaint myself with it. To learn what it is that I had lost. The little things that just got away, slipped out of my hands and got lost like particles in a rushing stream of water.

I get the impression that there are parts of me that I've left behind me. Parts that might of taken another route through the parallel dimensions in which co-exist. I feel incomplete. I think of trying to remember the person that I was, to reach out at the person that I was so that I might pull and drag that person to the present.

I'd ask that person to take a look around at how the world has become for myself and the world itself. I'd want it to tell me it's reaction to it all. Maybe it'd share the blame, maybe it wouldn't. Would it make a difference?

I could've seen the world anyway I'd chosen. But I chose to see the world as such, whether by consicous choice or by the composition of who I am. Do I dare take my own will into my own hands? I don't believe so. I've let the random possess me. And the random has led me to even more improbable realities.

My treads and stumbles have led me to a show of the worst turn of events. Yet it could be worst. But yet I keep keep my eyes shut and so I continue to stumble. With my eyes closed I hope to see something beyond that which is under my nose and in my face. And I don't know if there's anything there to see in the darkness that I've created for myself. I progessively detach myself from the corporeal world and even of my own self, I turn blank. Everyday I shoot blanks in my head.

And I kiss myself to sleep every night. My nights are without dreams. If once I was connected to an astral plain, I know that I've lost that too. My mind now works in loops of the lowest common denominator and so my soul has forsaken my mind. But I dream that my soul could someday take me over someday. But I know not how it would lead to that or what to expect should it happen.

But dreams are something to live for and not something to realise. For what would be the point of life after one has fulfilled one's own dream?