One Month On

I didn't realise till just now that December has started. Looking back, the days seem to have passed so quickly. What am I going to do this New Year's eve? Last year my Forcer friend dragged me along to some neighbour of mine that works for a western news agency. I got well drunk and had to crawl back home and fell asleep before midnight. But the Forcer went off to Dubai while I was away and the dog's probably going to go spend New Year's in Kenya. Perhaps I should take Nahida's suggestion that I go off to Istanbul during the Christmas time break more seriously.

When I got here a month ago I was told that the country would take a step in the right direction within two months. One month has passed and things have got a lot worse. Maybe that's a good thing if it sparks the change needed, otherwise it seems like things are just going to continue to deteriorate for a long while longer. And I too might have to choose to leave provided that nothing happens to me first. The thought of leaving Baghdad makes me sad. I don't want to leave, I'm happier here than anywhere else even despite all that's going on. I don't speak the local language fluently and I don't quite fit in with the general public, but nevertheless this is the closest thing to home that I have and I do have the right to claim it as such. Because even though I don't exactly talk like an Iraqi should and don't understand all the Iraqi jokes all the time the people never make me feel like an outsider.

I really don't need this bullshit. I just want to finish college and start leading a normal life after that. I don't want to move to another country again. If I do, it'd make all the past 5 years here go down the drain. If things get bad maybe I should move to the farm where it's much safer. The thought of which is very unappealing. Living in Baghdad you ask yourself why did 'progress' forsake this place every day, whereas at the farm you'd ask yourself that same question every cursed second.

And 2 hours of electricity a day is seriously taking the piss!