Sunday, April 15, 2007

Peanut Butter

I'm watching way too much TV these days. It's getting chronic. And there's never anything really worth watching either. I've only got eleven satellite channels to watch and only one of them is a porn channel. Sometimes get startled by the chicks with dicks when flipping to that channel. I wish I had more documentary channels. There's something calming about watching animals in the wild.

I missed college today. I left home an hour late and the traffic was horrendous, not only that but the cab took what I assume he thought was a short cut. After over an hour riding with him, I gave him his fare and just walked home. I needed a walk.

Found some decent crunchy peanut butter on the way back home. The last jar of peanut butter I bought was from a different shop and they don't have anymore, and the jar before that was from another shop and they don't have anymore either.

I think I've found myself in another imperfect state of equilibrium. I'm getting through the days but I'm incredibly unproductive. I don't understand what's wrong with me, I do near to nothing of anything that would give me a sense of moving forward in life, and I've got no compulsion to change.

The above might be slightly exaggerated. I've made changes in my life over the past six months, but they were so slow to implement, I could've achieved the same in two intensive weeks.The big idea from last year was to move out of Nahida's floor of the house and move all of my stuff downstairs along with me.

So far, I've got most of my stuff downstairs. All that's remaining are a bunch of old CDs, most of my clothes, my bench and weights. There are two pending issues to be resolved, the water heater downstairs doesn't work so I still have to shower upstairs but as soon as the summer warms up I won't need to warm up the water. The other issue is the land line phone, the thing has got to move upstairs since I never use it but Nahida does which gives her an excuse to come downstairs.

Step by step I've got to eliminate reasons for Nahida to want to come downstairs. But each one is more of a psychological barrier for me to overcome rather than a practical thing that needs to be done. For example, I've finally convinced to cook my own food, but I've yet to begin cleaning my own dishes. But as long as I keep identifying these barriers and imagining how I'll overcome them, I should finally be able to get past them.

No comments: