Another Curfew

The government has to stop laying curfews on the city, it's driving me nuts. Actually, I wouldn't mind as long as it was okay to walk around and I think I'm allowed to but I'm not sure, and it seems everyone says it's best to stay at home.

I've got a test this coming week that I should be studying for, but I haven't got myself started on it yet. Too lazy. Instead, I've been watching an anime called 'Fist of the North Star'. I remember the series use to show on French TV when I was a kid living there and that it was incredibly violent, so violent that I couldn't bear to watch, but it was fine for all the other kids. It was called 'Ken' back there. It is however nice to finally know what the whole story was about.

I've been eating a lot lately. I might be gaining weight too. So far today I've had rice with chickpeas, half a pack of Cheerios straight out of the box, some labne with olive oil and thyme dip, and date syrup and sesame seed puree dip. Date syrup and sesame seed puree dip was so popular back in the days of the sanctions. I don't think it's as common anymore. It goes to show that people's living standards have improved since the days of the sanctions if one factors out the violence.

I've spent the past two nights trying to get some games working on my Wii for the past two nights. I've burned over 12 DVD blanks and I've finally come to the conclusion that there's either something wrong with the Imation DVDs I'm using or the DVD-Writer perhaps. I'll try to find myself some other brands tomorrow.

I screwed up my blog's layout last week. Maybe I should spend some time now fixing it up. It saddens me to think that it no longer will look the same.

Interrupted Posting

[Saturday Night]

The weekend is nearly over. I've spent my weekend playing Mario Charged Strikers Football on the Wii and toiling on my project. Mos came over on Wednesday and then so did Miz on Thursday. Thursday morning, Miz was walking to get picked up to go to college, greeted an Iraqi soldier and walked past his Humvee when an IED went off. Miz felt something hit his back, and as bullets began to fire in the air from the panicked soldiers a woman called him over to an alley. He looked at his shirt and all he found was a hole but no blood and so he continued his day to college. It was at college that he had his friends to check out his back at which they gasped and sent him off to the campus clinic. A pellet or ball-bearing had scorched its way into his back and a doctor just pulled it out and gave Miz a massive bandage. Later on, he asked if the soldier was alright, which I think he said he was and it turned out the IED was made out of a Pepsi can.

So I've finally finished fixing up the first and second chapter of my project. I've spent over 12 hours on it this weekend. I've been filling in gaps left behind by my partner that she didn't to mention. I've been working on the formatting and making sure it was consistent. And the most ridiculous thing I've had to do was get rid of the damn spaces before the commas and making sure there was one afterwards.

[Sunday Morning]

The power went out as I was writing this post last night.

[Sunday Evening]

The power went out whilst I was taking a shower this morning.

My professor over-seeing my project was quite pleased with the work done and has told us to chill and concentrate on our other subjects whilst he goes over it. So that's one reason to cool down.

Yesterday, I began noticing the psychosomatic impact of last week's curfew. The first thing I noticed was an itch from a psoriasis spot on my index finger, and then a little patch of psoriasis on my elbow. Before shaving I also noticed a couple of small bald spots on my beard. And after college today, I went over to Karada with Muni. He had me get a decent haircut. The barber trimmed my sides very short and another small bald patch appeared. The barber's advice was to not think about because otherwise the bald patch would not go away. I've had bald patches in my beard once before, and they did go away. But I'm wondering if I should bother rubbing garlic into them like last time. Nahida thinks I should, and that I should also visit my dermatologist on Wednesday too.

Yeah and the power went out again, and I've turned on the generator. I've got to turn it off now because it's midnight. But I should mention that the electricity has been quite good of late, not so much during the day or evening, but from around one to eight in the morning it's been on throughout. Anyway, it's midnight now and I should get to bed.

A Painfully Boring Curfew

This curfew thing is killing me. I'm so bleeding bored. It's as though I'm dragging a heavy black cloud around the house. I still don't have much of an appetite because of the fit of diarrhea I had a couple days ago. Last night, I realised that the diarrhea was caused by eating too many of the berries my mum picked from the garden. Those berries are great laxatives.

My feeling sick has made me ever pickier when it comes to what to eat, and in addition to that my mum is still making funny concoctions. When one's joy for food is gone, life can indeed be miserable. Ah but there's booze... haven't run out of that yet, and quite on the contrary to my eating appetite, my drinking appetite is doing rather alright. The one good thing about this curfew is the amount of electricity we're getting, perhaps about ten hours most of which after midnight.

[Several hours later...]

I had forgotten I was writing a post. So the curfew's to be removed tomorrow, which is a great relief. As a class, we've decided we'll skip college tomorrow just to make sure things have really settled down. Nahida's sister who works at the airport will give us a call tomorrow morning in case there's a flight that my mum could hop onto.

A little earlier, the house suddenly began to feel warm so I took a shower. After I got out of the shower, I noticed my mum wasn't inside the house and I found her sitting on her own on the patio enjoying the breeze. She was sleepy, her torso was wobbling back and forth and her head shifted it's gaze suddenly in different directions, kind of like a chicken does. And as I watched her, I was gripped again by the idea that my mum's getting old. But she was sleepy and I don't think she's going to turn senile like grandma anytime soon.

I can remember the first time that thought of her getting old struck me. It was back in 1996, I hadn't seen my mother for perhaps two years and she had come to Baghdad for a visit. She had just got off a long coach ride from Amman. As I saw her smile at me, looking tired and frail from her long trip, it made me feel sick inside, and the idea of her getting old still does.

Now I'm trying to think of what I'll do tomorrow. One thing I must do is get out of the house. There must be someplace nearby I could go. If I don't come up with any ideas, I should at least take a walk to the shops to buy a pack of cigarettes.

Diarrhea, I Can Smell Poo

Bleeding curfew has delayed my mum's Saturday departure. That's alright isn't it? Spending more quality time with mum. Just wish I knew how. I've got diarrhea today. I wonder if it's from the Kebab Od and I ate yesterday. Trying to call him now, but I'm not getting through. I'm chatting to Kiki right now and we're both getting drunk. Him on his vodka and me on my whiskey. Mum and Nahida have baked some pistachio stuffed Ma'moul sweets. I got round to studying a bit today. Read a few pages of international management and played about with the numbers on my MRP thesis project. Damn, I'm out of matches, must get up and find a lighter...

Kiki's gone, he realised he was drunk and went. I'm pretty drunk too, and wondering if I'm going to eat dinner. All I've had to eat today was an omelet and a salad. That's pretty good, I need to lose weight. The looking neat thing isn't going to work if I don't buy more clothes. My passport should have been ready last week, but we've yet to go pick it up. I wonder if it's there waiting, I'm worried that it might not have gone through because I messed up one of my fingerprints on the application.

It's been nearly two years since I've gone on a vacation out of Iraq. That's a long time. Trouble with me, is that I hate traveling, but on the other hand, I do need a break. I've also decided with myself that before I go on a vacation that I want to get the plantation done with, or at least at a stage where I can see myself being done with it.

It definitely seems that I'm wasting my years away here, but at least I know I've got an extreme circumstantial excuse to do so. I doubt I've got it in me to enjoy life. Too lazy. I just have three more months of college to go. Maybe, it's not the vacation in of itself that I need. Perhaps the return from a vacation would be a chance to start fresh.

Looking Neater

My mum came a week ago. It's nice having her here. She's here to get a the new civil ID and a new passport. And as soon as she's got it she'll be heading back home. She's been trying to get me to eat healthier. I've also been having the suspicion she's trying to starve me by sabotaging the food she's made me by adding ingredients that she says are good for me but which ends up ruining the taste. She's also got me eating salads and yogurt drinks. The salads are good, but I'm not fond of the yogurt drinks.

The day before she arrived, I went shopping for clothes with Muni. He picked me out a couple of short-sleeved shirts, a polo shirt, a pair of very tight fitting jeans and a belt. The day before I was planning to wear the clothes at college, the big button on the jeans popped as I was putting them on.

A couple days later, we went to take the jeans back to the shop and got a new button fixed upon them. I also bought my mother an Asiacell mobile phone line from the mobile phone shop where Muni works. It was that day that I posted my last post with that phone line that does have GPRS support. So as soon as my mum goes I'll be switching my number with the one I bought for my mum and I'll hopefully begin to post more pictures.

Everyone at college was very pleased to see me change the style I dress up in. I've started putting gel in my hair, something that the girls in my class have been pleading me to do. I've also stopped wearing my DC shoes and replaced them with leather shoes. And I've been tucking my shirt in. Trimmed my goatie too. The girls began screamed last Sunday when they saw the change. According to the feedback I'm getting, all that's left is another haircut, to let go of my backpack and to stand up straight. Standing up straight is something that my mum has always been nagging me about.

I've only got a few months of college left to go. So I might as well try to put in the effort to look neat for the last stretch. My studying habits on the other hand leave a lot to be left desired. I haven't been studying ever since the mid-year exams and I'm now very behind in my thesis project work. The other girl in my group, Ruru, has thankfully begun to take some initiative and is taking on most of the load. Where as Suzy is still keeping herself as far away as possible from any work.

I've still to pick up the pace in regards to my studies. And I'm noticing that I've grown lazier and lazier for the past couple of months.

Happy Easter!

Testing

Blogging from my mobile experiment

Got Whiskey

Was about to say that it seems that things are getting better here. A couple of days ago, a booze shop opened up on the main street in my neighbourhood. But on the other hand, the bombings have started again. That there be bombings might not be such a big deal though. I don't think the bombings are going to stop more shops from opening or stop people from going out onto the streets later into the evening. I did have a responsibility to support my new local booze shop so I bought myself a bottle of whiskey. It made me so happy to walk back home carrying that bottle in my hand.

Last week, I went along with a couple of my classmates to 'Medical City' to donate blood it turned out my blood's PCV was too high (meaning my blood is too thick or something probably because I smoke too much) and I couldn't donate. On the way back to college we stopped by a nearby hospital and had some of my blood drawn out and chucked away to dilute the blood in my body.

A couple of days ago, we went back to 'Medical City' and I was allowed to donate this time even though I was recommended not to do so because my PCV was now too low. Now I've got bruises on my arms because the nurses have such a hard time poking my small vein or artery. They frustratingly push the needle in and out and moving it all about till they find it.

Last weekend, I got to meet my cousin's finace. He's a nice guy, has a government job is about my age. We went to a nearby neighbourhood and smoked hookahs at a cafe on the main street. When we arrived the street was quite busy and shops were beginning to close up. By the time we got our hookahs and the sun was just about to set, we realised that the street was emptying. Moments later it was past twilight and we left before finishing our hookahs. But it was still cool to be out before sunset.

It was nice to hang out with this guy because I had forgotten the difference between the newer generation that make up my classmates who are all five years younger than me. I can't put my finger on it, but there is a difference. Obviously there has to be considering the different circumstances the people my age and those in my class have went through. My classmates were still in high school when the last war took place, they hadn't really had the chance to live the fun that people my age had.

We also had the nostalgic talk about how we perceived Baghdad to be prior to the war: a very boring place with nothing much to do. But, one thing was for sure though, back then the friends one had were the best.

I'm getting rather sick of Zeina these days. She's really draining my phone credit and she ain't great with the phone sex, she actually makes annoying noises when she does it and doesn't say much at all aside from "put it all in". And between the sleepless sleepovers at Kala's house, the drawing of blood, and all the rest I've been so tired lately that I can't wank more than once at a time whereas she just wants to keep on going.

I've changed a little in the way I speak these days. I've come to realise that people might be able to understand what I'm saying if I were to talk English even though they wouldn't be able to reply back in English. I did have a personal rule that I would never talk English to a person that doesn't speak it. These days, however, I've stopped caring about that rule and will interject freely in English, and leave that can be bothered to figure out what it is I'm trying to say which more often than not is pointless dribble.

Classes have resumed at college and I've got a dreadful test next week. I forgot to get notes from anyone in my class yesterday because I missed two of the last classes for that subject. And I've got to start working on my project earnestly again. I better not get occupied this weekend. Oh but I've already made plans to go shopping for clothes and to have a friend come over on Thursday.

Some thing's wrong: I've had the same glass of whiskey in front of me for over two hours and I still haven't finished it.

Still Holidaying

Today we've had a lot of electricity. More than an hour in one go. I think it's been on at least for two or three hours now. And Nahida said that it came on for several hours whilst I was sleeping this morning. All this compared to the months of the occasional hour or two a day.

I'm still on holiday. I attended Sunday and Monday of last week and then it seemed everyone was decided on skipping the rest of the week and to resume classes the next Sunday, that being last Sunday. I tried to go to college last Sunday, but the road I took was blocked off for the sake of the pilgrims and so I went on Monday and by taking a different road. Traffic was noticeably lighter than usual as a cause of the pilgrimage and a lot of the shops in Karada were closed including the falafel place I was hoping to have lunch from. This week we're not having classes on account of the pilgrimage and of the slight chance the government calls for a curfew in the middle of the day.

And the electricity just went out.

I've started playing Scarface on my Wii. It's a lot like GTA Vice City which is fun and yet a bit tedious. But it's killing my time. My Wii is pissing me off because of the lack of good games available. It's bad enough that it doesn't have such a big number of decent titles, but the worst part is that nobody's bringing any games to Iraq. And I can't download the games either because my net connection is too slow.

Kala's back from Egypt. He got back a couple of days ago, and I passed by to say hello to him yesterday. He looks quite happy to be back. He wasn't really doing anything back there. His parents used to lock him up at home and never let him out and it seems like he's going to go back to that treatment. Even though he seems to be happy to be back, I wonder if he's going to be able to cope with being cooped up again after having had his freedom to go out back in Egypt.

My cousin in Erbil is getting engaged and I've got to attend some sort of gathering at her dad's house on Friday I think. And on Sunday I've got to go to the passport office and apply for a new passport. It's been over a year that I haven't got one. But it's just my luck, that I must go to college on the same day for some review on the progress of my project. Nahida's going to get in touch with the college and explain to them that I can't make it. But I think I could perhaps finish with the passport office in time to make it to college.

This extended holiday has been rather good actually, I've been able to laze about quite a lot. And now that Nahida's brother got released a couple of days ago, my car will be fixed as soon as his health recovers.

Holiday's Over

Tonight's the last night of my two week vacation. I didn't get around to acquiring the services of a prostitute like I had set it out to. That cab driver did call me, and I agreed to meet him two Thursdays ago whilst knowing in the back of my mind that I had every intention of ditching him. I called him the day before Thursday and told him I couldn't make it. Haven't heard from him since.

I'm really not looking forward to going to college tomorrow. I really didn't get much rest during this vacation. I did so many things. The day my exams ended, my dad called and sent me off to the farm the next day for one night to pick up the sums of farm revenues and expenses for the last six months of 2007. After adding them roughly up it came out to a net loss of a few hundred dollars. But I'm not really sure if that means anything. There's more than one way to add up those numbers.

The gaping hole in the back of my car got patched up and looks great. Last week, Nahida's brother was falsely tipped off by someone and was taken by the Iraqi army. He's been keeping in touch and is still in their custody. They admitted that he had been falsely tipped off and that the person that did is going to get into trouble. Nahida's brother is just waiting to get processed out now, which with an incompetent bureaucracy can take a while. In the meantime, the new rear axle I had installed with a one week guarantee started making small noises in the second week.

I went to college a couple of times for the sake of my project. I also went to Suzy's house too because she and another girl make up my project group. Her parents were really nice and old! Her mum was telling us of memories when Iraq was a monarchy. Of how she came along with her brothers from Mosul as a girl to be the one to help them out at home.

I met up with Muni, a classmate of mine, after one of my trips to college. We were supposed to be joined by Zuni, also from college but a different department. We waited and waited for Zuni. Eventually we gave up on him and had lunch at the new Chinese restaurant. And it was a surprising sight, it was so inconspicuous. Tucked into a Karada alley, it was a little shop with a glass wall facing the sidewalk. Inside it had three tables and upon an elevation deeper inside the tiny shop were a grumpy chinese man and a cheerful woman facing other, each one with a frying pan on a stove each. Later on a second Chinese man appeared that seemed to be the manager-like one of three. A simple falafel place looked better than that place.

An Iraqi teenager was there too to help take care of things, he was the one that struggled to speak with the cooks who spook no Arabic and no English either. He showed us what was on offer today. It quickly became apparent that my hopes for some sweet and sour chicken weren't going to realise. The food wasn't great. We started with some pastries stuffed with meat and then a dish of some beef with green peppers and a dish of chicken with potatoes.

Food aside, it was a wonderful experience to see those Chinese folk there getting on with it despite of everything. It was also possible to scrape the sensations that we the diners were in the foreign place in between the cheers of a bunch of Iraqis in a shop on the other side of the road watching China and Iraq playing a game of football.

I had Muni and Zuni come over and sleep at my place during the holiday. Nahida liked them a lot She's been constantly disapproving of my other friends of late, and so that was a nice change. They were really curious to see how it is I live. They were supposed to help me shop for clothes as to change my shabby image.

Zeina still records my conversation and partakes in phone sex in the afternoons and asks me to transfer a dollar of credit to her phone everyday. I see that as a pretty good deal for live phone sex. I recorded one of our conversations too, and realized that it was no fun listening to one's own conversations. It's actually quite boring. Got to erase it before I go to college tomorrow.

One of the two helped me purchase a new telly today, a 32" LCD Samsung (LA32R7) for $725 with a one day guarantee. Nahida's other brother and nephew came over and installed up on the wall for me. And it's pretty nice. I no longer have to strain my eyes to read the names of the songs on VH1 and I can play those Wii games that had really tiny text.

I thought two weeks of holiday was going to be enough, but it wasn't.

It's Fruit Flavoured

I've got a cold. It's a rather strong one too. I've got a runny nose nearly all the time. I feel lazy and a little dizzy too. I'm doing my best to enjoy that high. Rather than rot in a pile of wet tissues today, Nahida's brother came over this morning and we went to get my car fixed some more. There's still that gaping hole in the back. So we dropped off my car at the repair shop and it should be ready on Sunday. I just have one more exam tomorrow and I can't be bothered to study for it. I'm planning to study the material on my way to college. I should be fine.

Yesterday, I went pharmacy shopping. I was hoping to get some anti-depressant drugs (Bupropion) that are supposed to help one quit smoking. But there weren't any. I told them I saw them on Oprah, and the pharmacist said there were drugs that aren't exported out of the States and Europe. I also asked for some for some other anti-depressant (Paroxetine) that causes sexual dysfunction but which in effect leads to keeping it up longer when having sex if one does manage to get it up. After that last experience with Farah I thought I could do with some help. But they were out of stock of that and said that they should have some sent in next week. However, another pharmacy said that Jordan isn't importing it anymore. I ended up walking off with some Aspirin, Vitamin C effervescent tablets, Spray on plasters, and fruit-flavoured condoms.

Back to today, I spoke to Zeina again. and I asked her how she planned to come over without her parent's knowledge. And then things with her started to change. She completely contradicted herself saying that she couldn't come over and then suggested that we could maybe catch a glimpse of each other when she goes to the market with her parents. And then she told me that she lives in a different neighbourhood and that she only studied in the neighbourhood that I thought she lived in. And all the subtle suggestions to have sex disappeared. And so it seems I've made a big fuss over nothing.

I'm tired of being teased. This coming holiday, I'm going to get me a prostitute. In the meantime I'm going to jack off with one of these fruit-flavoured condoms.

Car Fixed

Felt like shit yesterday. Looking back it could be because I gave my phone number and too much personal information to that cab driver on Thursday. Stupid mistakes like that leave me in a bad mood for a while. But I haven't been in a great mood since last Sunday. I remember feeling a little high that Sunday morning, and then everything began to go wrong and I was overwhelmed with negativity. Fortunately, I'm feeling alot better today.

Today, Nahida's bros took me and my car to the Sheikh Omar. I remember that neighbourhood was too dangerous to go to a year or two ago, but it's back in action now. I got a new window, a new fuel tank, a new rear-view mirror and a new rear axle. None of those were actually 'new', but instead second-hand parts; they do do the job though. That annoying hum from the axle is finally gone.

I spoke for five minutes to Zeina today, I beginning to trust her. I'm coming to think that if she was in anyway dodgy it would show through her personality. And then there was that similar experience with Farah a couple of years ago. Exams end in a week and now I'm trying to decide whether or not to tell her that my car is repaired. I'm still waiting for a chance to talk to her about the mistrust I've got towards her to see how she'd react and to explain why my lies haven't been adding up.

It's half past eleven at night now, and I've got to hurry up and begin studying for tomorrow's exam which to my advantage is in English and God knows that the poor suckers in my class have been struggling on it, but not me.

Being Played... Again?

About a month ago perhaps, some girl called me up on my phone. She told her name was Zeina, that she was seventeen and lived in a neighbourhood on the other side of the city. And she'd ask me questions that I'd try not to answer honestly such as where do I study and where do I live. After I had told her what neighbourhood I lived she asked me where exactly. I didn't tell her where I lived exactly and rhetorically asked her if she was going to come and pay me a visit. And the whole time I was able to hear the beeps signaling that she was recording the conversation on her phone. We spoke on the phone a two or three times perhaps and then she disappeared.

A couple of nights ago she called again. And this time she said she wanted to meet up. I asked her if she meant a scenario in which she'd be walking through the shops with her family and in which we'd see each other from a distance but that wasn't what she had in mind, that she wanted us to hang out together and take it from there so to speak. I told her that I couldn't come and pick her up because my car doesn't work, so she said she'd come over to mine. Either way we wouldn't till the holidays start. We finished our conversation with the plan to call each other after midnight (calls after midnight are much cheaper). She was sleeping at her aunt's and when I called her they were still awake and so we didn't get to talk.

So that next day, I asked people about what should I do. Because on one hand this is the chance to get laid and on the other a ploy asking for trouble. It's hard to listen to advice when one's dick is shouting out that this a great chance to get laid. Enie said he thought it was indeed dodgy and that he could investigate her if I could remember what school she attended. Some other person told me that there have been kidnappings of guys done in such a manner. Suzy on the other hand told me to go ahead with it and that that's how that generation operates.

On my way back from college, I asked the cab driver that had said he used to work for intelligence and that on the way had told me the whole story of an Adel Imam movie. Adel Imam is the chief of police and discovers that the cause of husband's murdering their wives is caused by their impotence which is in turn caused by a government that does not take care of the quality of life of its population. The movie ends with a demonstration with people yelling "Enough, Enough" led by Adel Imam.

The cab driver said it would be okay if it wasn't for my wealth status. He suggested that I could stand her up and then the girl might spill out her intent. He also said I could skip the whole headache and just get a prostitute and that he could hook me up. So we swapped phone numbers. After that, I felt that I'm just asking for trouble from strangers.

Weetabix

I got myself some Weetabix the other day when I went over to Enie's house. It reminds me of the days at Pat's house in Lebanon because it was my favourite munchies after we'd smoke up.

Had a weird dream this morning whilst Nahida was waking me up, it involved two friends of mine from Lebanon. Hans and a chick I fancied. It was weird because I felt like I had some control over my actions in my dream and that I could just maybe resolve some lingering frustration that I had towards that girl. But I wasn't able to think of something, and the dream drifted off to a pack of cigarette's that Hans picked that contained a free pack of gum inside.

Saw Fulu at college today. Spoke to her and her friend a little. Had her friend not been with her it would've been interesting to flirt with her a little face to face. I still can't call her anymore, because it would be "weird". It's all good anyway.

I'm trying to meditate these days. Sitting down with my legs crossed, relaxing, trying to follow my breath and find my center. Then I'd try to imagine a light there and let that light spread within me. I don't know if I'm doing it right. But the part when I try to relax all the muscles in my body seems to have a nice effect.

It's all part of me trying to get in touch with my feelings and understanding myself and my interactions better. Most of the time I resemble a sloth, but there are times when I get really nervous and jittery. For example today, after all my classmates left and I was left waiting for Sav so I could hitch a ride back home with him; I walked over to a couple of guys that I'm acquaintance with who were chatting to a hot chick. I got so freaking nervous, I had been introduced to the girl they all pretty much went quiet once. So I rambled, asking them in turn what their favourite flavour of soup was (They preferred vegetable soup over lentil soup). I talked to the girl, and she smiled at me and I did my best to maintain eye contact and smile back before having to leave.

I got nothing but tests coming up. I got one tomorrow, the day after, the day after that and the day after too. The week after my mid-year exams start. It's too much. I've got a mean test tomorrow too: administrative accounting. The number work isn't all that hard really, but there's alot of text to read too. I've decided to not bother with the text and just focus with the number work. The only trouble is that I haven't studied any of the number work today. I was planning to start an hour ago I think, but I've eaten too much and I'm really sleepy.

Actually, I haven't eaten that much. I think I might have a flatulence problem. I'm farting plenty and my tummy feels bloated. What did I eat today? one packet of Peanut M&Ms, one double kebab sandwich (which isn't really that big), one bowl of soup and a bun, three pieces of Bessboussa (some Arabian sweet that I've recently fallen in love with) and one bowl of Weetabix.

Snow

Last night I slept over at Enie's we were supposed to study but didn't. This morning at around half past seven this morning another classmate called him and said it was snowing outside. Enie woke me up, I peeked outside and it was indeed snowing. Unfortunately, the snow melted once it touched the ground. Well after that I was so excited that I went back to sleep.

2007

Achievements of this year:

1. Survived and maintained what sanity I have.
2. Spent more time at the farm than I have ever done so before. And have finally accepted it as part of my life.
3. Didn't lose my mobile phone as I have done for the past couple of years in the month of December.
4. Passed one more year of college.

Failures of this year:

1. Didn't achieve independence from Nahida.
2. Didn't get a new passport nor go on vacation.
3. Didn't nail down Arabic grammar.


That's all I can think of aside from not getting laid at all, losing any weight around the waist, turning vegetarian, and quitting smoking, but none of those were actual goals this year.

How about setting some goals for next year...

1. Finish college.
2. Settle down in the farm.
3. Get a big television and a new laptop.
4. Finish the paperwork I started this summer.
5. Read a novel in Arabic.

All in all it was quite an uneventful and forgettable year.

Off To The Plantation Tomorrow

Eid is coming and dad's told me that I have to spend it at the plantation. Invite the farmers and everyone for a meal. And I was looking forward to chilling at home and doing nothing. Nahida's busy making pastries for tomorrow's trip. Miz is making salad for today's lunch. And my cousin is on his way from Erbil against his mother's wishes. I'm actually looking forward to have my cousin come with me to the plantation, that way some of the spotlight would be drawn away from me. And overall he's more enthusiastic about the whole plantation.

I got back my first test result from college this past week and things are looking good. I got a three out of five on a subject whose lectures I had missed. I'm managing to do my share of work in regards to my thesis project. Last weekend I produced seven pages of material that I had translated from English to Arabic. And I've begun to learn Japanese. I've got myself a notebook and everyday I jot down a few Hiragama letters down to learn. Learning Arabic is again put on hold. Miz the nutcase is more or less living at my house nowadays which is fine because he's quiet most of the time. The annoying thing about him is that he's so damn pessimistic.

Last week, I figured out who Fulu was, I was on a balcony and I saw a girl that I hadn't noticed before and that matched the simple description that she had given me and that was also sneezing or coughing into a tissue. Now she doesn't want us to talk on the phone because I know who she is now and it's weird. Yesterday, she somehow appeared sitting in front of me as I was walking through college. She was awfully nervous and so was I. We chatted for a couple of minutes and then I walked away. We still chat online though, and she does say she misses talking on the phone.

My cousin's arrived now and we've just had dinner. Surprisingly, he's not all too enthusiastic about going to the plantation.

Life Goes On

I had recently got in touch with a high school friend from my days in Lebanon. We spent most of grade 12 stuck with each other. He had run away from home and stayed with me. We lived the direst life of poverty living off of bread and cheese triangles. Once a week we'd go down to the Irish pub and get rat faced because the manager there wanted a favour from his dad and so he gave us lots of free drinks. Then when he came back home, I moved into his house with his family. But after graduating from school, I stayed in Lebanon and he went on to live in Canada.

So after about ten years, we get back in touch through Facebook and last Wednesday we chatted online. He brought up the idea of spending of me coming to visit him in Lebanon and to spend New Year's together at Faraya. The same place we went to together on New Year's eve ten years ago. That night, ten years ago, he had a fight with the driver after we reached the mountain top village where there's a big party every New Year's eve; and he sent the driver home without us. We were left stranded there with no where to go to. We ended up hitching ourselves back to our regular Irish pub that night.

So I promise that the next day I'd get my ass off the couch and go check out the passport office to get a new passport, something I've been wanting to get since June. And it turns out the office is closed to all but those applying for a passport to go to hajj and that considering holidays and all that are coming up, the passport office isn't going to open itself for applications till mid-January. And I was really looking forward to spending that time catching up and having a well-deserved vacation.

That same day, I went back to Bab Alshargi to see my Wii man who had last week come back from his tour of Asia. I had visited him a couple of days before and he had given me a Japanese copy of Super Mario Galaxy but which didn't work. This time, however, he gave me his copy and it did the update that un-semi-bricked my Japanese Wii. So I'm finally discovering all the internet-enabled features available on the Wii, but in Japanese. It's driving me nuts that my Wii is Japanese. Everything is in Japanese. I'm having to guess my way through menus. I've spent some time voice-chatting with my brother trying to have fun with the Miis. He even gave me his credit card details so I can buy some Wii points. But I'm worried that when the games I download on the virtual console won't be any fun because they'd be in Japanese too. I would love to play Zelda: Ocarina of Time for example. I'm thinking I'm just going to have to learn Japanese. I've printed some books already.

Well the guys just arrived, when I get the time I'll write about the story behind this pic of my car...



[the following was added two weeks later]

It was a rainy early morning two Sundays ago. Miz had already left, Mos and I were ready to head off to college early. Since it was early and raining I decided we would drive to college. So off we were in my car. It was around seven in the morning and the streets were quite empty and I was cruising slower than I usually do. Turned right at an intersection, a police car coming from the opposite end of the street followed behind me. A few seconds later there was a bang and the glass of my window to the side shattered. My first reaction was to burst out in hysterical laughter and I continued to drive along whilst Mos too was laughing in disbelief. The car ahead of us pulled over so I did too. Mos and I got out of the car. To my surprise, the driver of the car in front of me was a lecturer I had last year. As we greeted each other and said the custom "hamd-allah ala salama" phrase (Thank god you're safe) my biggest worry was whether the lecturer would spot the whiskey in my breath. In the meantime, Mos had his attention towards the police car that was the target of the roadside bomb that just hit us. My lecturer invited me to take a look at the damage on his car, and a moment later we all agreed that we should all get on our way as shoots were being fired by security forces as is the odd custom after such an incident.

Mos and I drove off and we began wondering what the strong smell in the car could be. We assumed it was the smell of the explosion. At the checkpoint up ahead, the one soldier there asked us if we saw anything and then told us "hamd-allah ala salama" as he gestured us to go pass through. Mos thought that we were going to go on to college, but I decided to drive back home because of the broken window. It was just after passing that checkpoint that I told Mos that I was too dizzy to drive and so we pulled over so he could take the wheel. At first I thought it could've been the smell or maybe I was losing blood and did not know it, and then later I thought it could be that I was hyperventilating through the laughter. My dizziness had Mos very worried too and when we got the car outside my house we got out and he took a look at my eyes to see if I was okay. Fortunately by then most of the dizziness had dissipated. Mos stood on the street talking to his mum as I opened the gate and then drove the car into the garage; it was then that he was shocked to see the gaping hole in the back of the car.

A piece of shrapnel or maybe a piece of the police car had flown threw into the back of the car and into the fuel tank that is behind the back seats. Fortunate for us the piece of shrapnel didn't get past the fuel tank and hit one of us. And a lot of people had said that had we been in any other car and not in a Mercedes then we would've probably had died. Later that day, Nahida's brother also found a tiny piece of shrapnel wedged into the frame of the shattered window.

So after an hour of fussing about what just happened, Mos and I went off to college by cab. It took us over an hour to get there, and the both of us were still amazed to have survived the whole way. When we did eventually get to college we split and then caught up with each other a few hours later to remark that nobody seemed to be impressed about what had happened to us.

Dozy and Cozy

Feeling awfully tired these days, don't know why. I sometimes doze off in cabs, and those punks at the checkpoints think it's funny to stop the cab and wake me up. But then again they might be checking whether or not I'm a dead corpse lying in the passenger seat.

Lots of people are getting ill these days. But not me, because I've got whiskey and a stupid determination to go out in a t-shirt and put up with people asking me why the hell don't I put some more clothes. It is nice to have people to ask me that for a change as opposed to asking me why the heck I'm still here.

If I ever do leave this country it would be so that I wouldn't have to have someone ask me just that one question anymore. Of course, I wouldn't want to end up going someplace, to have people telling me not to go back. It's seriously doing my head in.

Okay that's it, I'm off to bed.

First Chilly Week

Winter hit Baghdad Sunday morning. Finally time to pull out those winter clothes that have been stashed away in the back of the closet. And again, I'm regretting not having bought some winter clothes when I went to the UK last year. I could've told my dad to bring me some wool jumpers from M&S before he came to visit last month. Well instead, I'm practicing mind over matter and am going to college in a t-shirt. I wonder how long I'll be able to keep that up. I could then warm myself up by wearing two t-shirts.

Poink Poink Poink

Didn't get far past those ten pages that I had already read earlier this morning. Chatted on the phone, jacked off, had a dump, Nahida made me chicken escallop, and now the movie I've been watching is over. Parts of me want to run away and escape, and other parts of me want things to fill up the voids. I really need to get the reading on. I guess I haven't done too bad so far. What I've done is better than nothing. I could get some more done before bedtime. I want to take a shower, but there's no hot water. The electricity has been quite scarce the past couple of days. Nahida said it came on around three in the morning last night.

I'm starting to feel bad now about not reading. So my first step is to turn of the television. Done that. I'm now trying to chat to that divorcee I mentioned earlier. Her net connection is rather wonky and keeps disconnecting. It seems her sister and her brother-in-law are always over at her home and she'd have to hide the chat window whenever they're peering over. I think I'm too bored to chat to anyone tonight. Too bored to chat and want to chat in the chance to rid myself of this feeling of boredom. There's so many things I could do. I could take pictures of the things around me and post them here. I could do some tidying up too. Try to remember what my dad wanted me to inquire the lawyer about something to do with the classification of some pieces of land. I need to make myself a proper to-do list perhaps, with long term to-dos. I should memorize the names in Arabic of some keywords regarding my thesis project, such as 'master schedule' and 'bill of materials'. I'm going to be so glad once this year is over.

I'm trying to decide if I should try to do something different with my blog. Perhaps put a lot more pictures of mundane things around me or changing the content to something that might get readers to respond to. I wonder how I would do that. The easy path would be to say something political, but I wouldn't want to do that. I'd need to do find some kind of original format or kind of discussion. Nope, can't be bothered. But someday, if I happen to have broadband or a lot of patience I'll try adding some pictures to old posts and maybe someone might want to share their frustration and pain when it comes to Kleenex that sticks to their dick after masturbating and how painful it is sometimes to rip it off.

Poink Poink

Material at college is accumulating. Attendance at college is a lot better than last year. This week we were assigned our thesis subjects. My group ended up with one that so far appears to be really horrible. Something called 'material requirement planning'. Reading about it on the net, it appears to be somewhat outdated. I was hoping to be doing my thesis in English, but I was then explained they have to be in Arabic. I was shocked to find that there was one thesis subject in English that was handed to another group. I feel so screwed. The only good thing about my group's subject is that the teacher's would be reluctant to fail us.

Lately I've been raking chatting up more girls than ever before, of course I'm getting no where. Things between me and Shady had begun to feel a bit distorted between me and her. After I began to try to talk about our relationship, she gave me some crap about how if I didn't have the intention of marriage then that meant that whatever feelings I had for her were meaningless. I then began to spend less time talking to her. I don't know what she wants. Last night, she was complaining about how things aren't as good as they were between us. I tried talking about things we could do such as not arguing, and then she said that I'm not capable of handling the relationship we had. Truth is I'm not, but we could make what we have more pleasant.

There's another girl, Fulu. Met her on-line back in the summer, it turned out that she was in the same college as I was and that she knew who I was. She had even joked about me to her friends last year, saying that I resembled her uncle. Something she said that began an inside joke between her and her friends. Unlike Shady, she doesn't mind getting kinky on the phone, it seems that her anonymity grants her the freedom to do so. It's been a month of college, and I still don't know who she is. It's like a little game between the two of us. Everyday she'd tell me where she had spotted me and about how she was so scared when I looked at her. I of course am looking at all the girls trying to guess which one she is or simply just checking them out.

There are another two girl's. One's a girl I've been chatting to for some while. Recently she's been having me help her translate things for her to communicate with her friend who I presume is an American soldier. Her dream is to someday work in the US embassy. And there's another, who I met on-line ages ago. I finally suggested we exchange phone numbers to which she responded that it was about time. She's a twenty-nine year old divorcee. So who knows? I might get lucky.

Mos and Miz are still sleeping over regularly. I wasn't expecting them to keep on coming over after classes started. These days they invite themselves over. I don't think I can play another round of Mario Party 8. Mario Party on the Gamecube was more fun. I'm waiting on the dude from Bab-AlShargi to finish off his tour of the far east. I wonder if a US copy of Mario Galaxy will work on my modded Japanese Wii. I should just learn Japanese. Now if I were to manage my time better and if I were more determined that would be somewhat feasible. But then again, I do need to nail down my Arabic first.

I need to go back to studying to studying production management now. I've got to catch up two lectures that amount to over fifty pages. I've read ten pages so far today, but haven't understood much.

Dad Came and Went

Just for a second, I missed the English cold a moment ago.

My dad came to visit last week, a couple days after my birthday. His visit went pretty well. The only time he got close to being angry at me was when he wanted me to switch the channel whilst I was eating my dinner and watching Scrubs. Overall, he was suprisingly happy to see my change attitude towards the plantation.

He did my head in with all the things he had to tell me about the plantation and my future. He was trying to make the most of his time with me I guess. There's so much for me to learn and he's the only one that can point everything out for me. Despite having spent several years on the plantation himself, he understands the business so much more than others who have spent their whole lives in the business.

He also brought up the marriage issue and the suitable cousin of mine in Canada. He told me that I ought to e-mail her dad, and ask him for her e-mail address, and then go on and chat with her online on the premise that I want to get to know family. I didn't feel comfortable with e-mailing some guy and asking him for his daughter's e-mail address. At the time we agreed that he'd help me write the e-mail with him Monday, the next day.

I went to college on Monday hoping that it'd be the day we start taking lectures. The day before I got told off by one teacher after I persistently asked her to give us a lecture. She gave me some deal about how I 'the student' should not be ordering her around, I in return pleaded that I was just trying to encourage her without bringing things like my father's paid one million dinars or that I have to go through one hour of traffic to get to college or that I as a student expect to learn something.

The lecturer of Monday's first class had been on leave and the head of department told us to nevermind taking a class with him. So wound up moping about college yet again waiting for the next class. The teacher had yesterday sat in class with just one student yesterday and he seemed eager to get started. A couple of classmates of mine and I went over to his office just before our class was about to start and my punk classmate friend got the teacher to agree to not give us class till Sunday.

I did not stop whining at my classmates that day. Whilst I was there Nahida's sister called me telling me that she's at the airport and that they're telling her that there's no flight to Beirut tomorrow as had thought my dad, but that there was one today. I explained to her that I wasn't home and that she should call Nahida to get through to my dad. Nahida and my dad were supposed to call me earlier that day to go visit the bank with them. That was another thing that was pissing me off that day.

I was pissed off and hungry. I went over to the nearest decent restaurant that also happens to be quite expensive at $20 a meal. The turkish-coffee guy at the door greeted me very warmly. I hadn't been there since the summer started. He assumed that I had a summer vacation abroad, I wish it were true. I wondered if I had ever tipped him, and if he was being extra nice to me for another tip.

It's always a bit weird going to that restaurant because I'm always the only one that's eating alone and leave as soon as I've finished eating. I've even got a little routine. They bring a bunch of mezzas to my table and I always the little plates that I finish. Whilst I was eating my dad called to tell me that he's leaving to the airport. Which of course sucked because I did want to greet him off, get him to write that e-mail with me so that he could stop badgering me about that girl in Canada and to listen and ask him more stuff about the farm.

When I got home tired and disappointed, I called up Miz and Mos told them to come over and sleep over.

Silences In Between

Riding in a taxi on my way back from college today, I passed the one street where booze is sold abundantly regretting that I hadn't made any provisions for booze today. Today's my birthday and I'm spending it sober (Yes Tomas, I screwed big time). I'm handling it well, despite feeling a silent resentment for all the twists and turns that have led me up to this point and ending up the way I am. I'm not feeling as hungry as usual, haven't eaten much today.

Shady was the first to wish me happy birthday. It was four in the morning, and so she was the first. She surprised me because I had refused to tell her when my birthday was previously but she dug it out on a social networking site. At college, only four guys from my class showed up including me. Two of them bought me lunch as a birthday gift which was very nice of them. Whilst i was at college Zaif called me to wish me happy birthday as well as my mum. My dad's wife called too, but I had my phone on silent.

Dad just called me now, told me to save some of my birthday cake. Didn't make one yet. Told him that we're waiting for him to arrive. Which he is tomorrow. Despite my better judgment, I'm still not quite sure if it's worth asking for a new laptop. With my taking over the farm, I could just buy one and charge it as a farm expense. A new car perhaps? I'd rather wait till I graduate, but I'll throw the idea at him anyway.

Something odd has been happening recently. Men, grown up men, have been coming up to me to beg. Usually, it's just kids, old women, or the two combined. Yesterday morning, Miz dropped Mos and me off near the Sinak bridge on his way to college. After getting off the car, some really scruffy guy came up to me with his hand out to shake mine. And as it is a habit, I began to reach out but then realised that I don't know this guy and he's just going to waste my time to beg for some money, so I just ignored the guy and walked past him. The same thing happened with a much less scruffier guy the last time I was there a week ago.

Mos and I then hitched another cab, and I got off near my college on his way to work. After crossing the street some guy asked me for some money so he could get himself home. I lied and told him that I didn't have any change to give him and walked off.

And today it got even creepier, whilst the guys and I were at the restaurant I left to get some farm accounts photocopied. At the photocopying shop a dirty looking dumb (the kind that doesn't speak) guy with a large cloth sack slung over his shoulder comes in and begins to gesture for money. The shop owner refused to hand the man any cash, said that he hadn't had any work yet. But this beggar was persistent and began poking me and gesturing at me too. I refused to give him money too. And then he made a throat slitting gesture and pointed at the army check point, I think he was suggesting that I should give him some money otherwise I'd have trouble with the army guys. The shop owner and I were both surprised for a second, but didn't bother talking about it after the beggar shortly left. But then the beggar came back, and again began poking and gesturing for cash. I gave him a long slow look into his eyes, he held out his hand for a handshake, I took it and then we kissed each other on the cheek (nothing gay about that here, it's just how men say hi to each other over here). He gestured one last time for some cash, I again refused and he left.

I wonder if this is going to get even creepier tomorrow.

Dehydrated Thoughts

Dehydrated... just a little drunk really. Electricity has been good of late, could it be the state's Eid present or is it because the weather has cooled down? Maybe, in my neighbourhood it's good and in some other neighbourhood people are cursing because they hadn't had any for a week. Because wouldn't it be a cunning trick to not have everyone complain at the same time.

I've got trouble adapting. The shift from the farm back to the city, I'm not too good at it. I hate moving. It's why I hate traveling. It takes me about a week to settle in and for my grumpiness to subside.

I know there's some soft drink in the fridge to drink. It would be so good right now. I'm looking forward to beginning college. I met another girl online this summer, and she tells me she attends the same college and knows who I am. She's not revealing who she is to me. Which does make for a fun situation for a bit. She says she's even talked about me with her friends last year, telling her friends that I look like her uncle.

Nahida's been re-arranging the house. She's had all the rugs put in. It's the kind of thing that's done once summer is over. She says some of these rugs are worth thousands of dollars. I dropped a cigarette on one of them yesterday.

Last night, I slept in my bedroom instead of the living room for the first time since the heat began. The trouble with sleeping in my bedroom is that the generator is right outside of it, making it even more impossible to sleep. But the climate is much better now and I don't need to run the generator to run the fan to go to sleep anymore.

It's nearly two in the morning now and that juice in the fridge is waiting for me, and I don't want to sleep too late either.

Another Ramadhan Is Over

I'm not entirely sure why I haven't been bothered to post lately. Maybe there are so many little mundane details in my life these days that to write them all down or filter them down. And then it seems as I was talking to Remy over the phone a few days ago that drinking is the key. So I've got myself of some of that gin that my uncle left me mixed with two squeezed limes, some and salt. I've discovered that salt makes the gin a lot more bearable.

I got back from a week long stay at my farm two days ago. And when I got back I had the best sleep I've had for months. Went to sleep at around six in the afternoon and woke up at quarter to six in the morning. The weather has finally cooled down enough so that I don't wake up in a pool of my own sweat.

The farm trip was good. I've finally began processing the transfer of ownership of the three plots from my dad to me. It was the first time I had to deal with government bureaucracy on my own. And it went surprisingly well. Whenever it seemed I was stuck I just had to mention that I was my father's son and a 'come back tomorrow' would change to a 'have a seat'. But so far I've had one woman mention that she has a boy or nephew that has fluid in his spine and needs medical attention abroad (it takes the piss that government can spend three billion dollars on importing weapons but can't provide the money for health care) and another that asked me to contact a relative of mine in the government so that he can provide a hajj permit. Saudi Arabia allots quotas of how many people may be sent to the hajj to each state. The relative of mine has the power to grant such a permit but I don't have any contact with him and I don't want to create one. Fozzy told the woman that Nahida who does have contact will do it. I just don't want to be the one making any promises.

I also got to meet some relatives of mine that are my age. They're cool guys and it's great to know someone that it's in the same business as me and with whom I could chill out with. One of them works in a micro-financing company, which is interesting. They provide loans of up to a thousand or two thousand dollars I think to anyone that can bring along a government employee to guarantee re-payment. The lender receives the loan minus one year's interest at the beginning and pays the rest in monthly installments for 12 months.

Kiki is in Malaysia now, he finally got his foot in the UNHCR's door, he had to stand outside the door five hours or so and fight for his place as others arrived so that he could get in when they opened the door for him. He was given an appointment for an interview to seek asylum, the appointment is in a year. India in Sweden got granted asylum and is now beginning to settle in with forty four year old Russian flatmate and now girlfriend.

I met a girl online, meet quite a few of those, this one gave me her number and we have been talking for about an hour or two every night. Last night, We fell asleep together whilst talking to each other on the phone. Shady's got a sexy voice and makes lots of tiny moans when she's talking to me from her bed that give me a hard on all the time. She's very affectionate, she helps me out with my Arabic, always pointing out whatever mistake I make and taking the time to explain things that I don't understand. Two weeks ago I downloaded a great book to study Arabic with and she'd encourage me to study, but she hasn't lately, and I haven't touched the book ever since I went to the farm. I should study a bit today and get back in the routine.

Last week at the farm I couldn't help myself and had to beat one off whilst talking to Shady, she didn't believe that I was actually did it until I was done. And then as revenge she got very serious and told me I should be punished and that she would have one of my nails ripped out which grossed me out. The next day she explained that when I do such stuff I should do it with a special someone and she threatened that if I don't get a girlfriend a in a month or two that she would start loving me. But I made her promise that she would never love me when we first began chatting.

Next week classes start as decided by the students, classes should have officially started at the beginning of October. There's another girl that I've met online during the summer who hasn't revealed to me who she is but tells me she's in college with me and knows who I am. It might make for a fun situation.

In Da House For Too Long Da Da Da

Looking at the archive list of my posts, the last time I posted in the month of September was back in 2004 when I started. Back then I said that having 3 hours on 3 hours off electricity routine was bad. Nowadays I expect just an hour or two of electricity a day. 2004 feels like a lifetime away. But all in all, the last seven or maybe even 10 years are a blur. I'm going to be twenty-six next month. I don't feel I am where I'm supposed to be at that age. But there's nothing to be done about that. I feel like a confused sixteen year old in a forty year old body. I'm looking forward to college a lot, even though it's going to be one hell of a pain. My teachers are going to give me grief for not learning Arabic yet. I had it set in my mind that I'd cement some foundations, but I didn't get past memorizing the conjugation of four basic verbs.

Nothing is going on in my life right now aside from my dad's machinations. I've spent the past week or so stuck at home too lazy to go out. Going out is troublesome. The fight for my independence from Nahida is now a lost cause. I don't even go out to buy myself cigarettes from the shop down the street. I've given up on my car. The battery went flat, today Nahida's bro pulled it out and I think the thing is charging now.

Miz has been sleeping over most nights. He's been getting petrol for the generator for us. We're now stockpiling about fifty litres I think. And since it's Ramadhan Nahida's making futoor for us. And then Mazin monopolizes the TV to watch Ramadhan special shows till midnight. His nighttime monopoly over the telly permits me to play Zelda all day without feeling guilty. I'm really close to the end now, I've got nineteen hearts.

Dad's calling me a lot, lecturing me about how I'm supposed to start taking over things and complaining that he's having to deal with Nahida and Fozzy and I'm not going about with them to learn. He's coming over next month, in time for my birthday. I've asked him to get me a couple of pairs of linen trousers, socks, boxers from Marks & Spencers and an electric toothbrush which at first he refused to get but then changed his mind the next day, Nahida probably had a word with him.

Crap I'm bored. I'm going to try to sleep early tonight. I'll close my eyes and try to focus on something and make myself a dream.

Ass Wipe

Recently it dawned on me why there's so much unfriendly to the nose 2 ply tissue paper in clear plastic bag packs. And the reason which isn't obvious because it's not printed on the pack is that the tissue meant to be used to wipe your ass with. I got the pack from my toilet in front of me now. Gentle and absorbent it says, and believe me there's no way a person should go through a cold with this stuff. And it goes on to call itself facial tissues when it is in of fact it's butt tissue. But I'm a convert to this cheap 'facial tissue' ever since my uncle stayed with me and put a pack of it in the toilet. One of the pack's trademark was my name come to think of it, does my uncle have a sick sense of humour and did he buy that brand on purpose? So the trouble I was facing with normal toilet paper was that bits of toilet paper would get stuck on my hairy butt because my butt would be so wet from using the bidet. The larger area of tissue paper is also a plus.

It's been about two weeks I've been more or less stuck at home. It's really hard to want to go out once I think about the heat outside and the horrendous traffic. And there was that stupid traffic ban earlier this week. I've had Miz and Mos sleepover a lot. Nahida found us a couple of deck of cards and we spent two nights playing konkan (or 51) in the garden. And we made up a rule that after every round the losers do as many push ups as they have cards in their hands to a limit of ten. Miz ended up doing over a hundred the first night because he didn't want to lay down his cards until he was ready to win, whereas I being the least healthy was all too willing to lay down my cards even if it meant losing.

In a couple of days I'll be heading back to the farm. I haven't achieved anything there yet. But I really must get something done on this trip. I've been spending some time trying to make out heads and tails of OpenOffice's Calc whilst I've been here. I've got a lot to learn to make Calc work for me. I'm worried it would get so complicated that I won't be able to get it to do what I want. But when I'll be in the farm I know I'll be able to focus on it a lot better than whilst I'm here in Baghdad. I'm feeling guilty for not getting anything done over there. It's going to be hard to tell my dad I'm going on a vacation if I don't get at least a few things done.

Poink

I live in a shell, oblivious to what's going on outside. The shell has cracks and when I get the time I fill in the gaps. Being at the farm gave me a lot of time to fill in those gaps and now I'm back in Baghdad the gaps are reappearing. Yesterday, I wanted to go to Sana'a street (the computer market). Nahida got me to ask Miz to tag along with me. He came over and we took a cab to go. On our way one of the roads to the Jadriya bridge was blocked, we took another to find a hundred cars stalled stalled at the beginning of the bridge. We let the cab head back without us. We walked ahead, at the end of the jam a checkpoint usually run by the Iraqis was being run by American soldiers. They were searching every single car one by one. A soldier asked Miz and I what was in our pockets and to pull up our trousers whilst gesturing what he was saying. We did as asked without uttering a word and went on. I called Mos once we reached the middle of the bridge he too was stuck in a cab somewhere in the jam behind us on his way to work. We waited for him for a while but he was so far behind and still intended to go to work so we ended up going ahead without him. Miz at this point began complaining about the heat and about the walk. He's not much of a walker and his hair is trimmed very short. Miz and I ended up walking a whole lot that day, after Sana'a street we went to a restaurant nearby and then to Karada and then caught up with Mos at work, where we enjoyed some good old air conditioning. We eventually wound up back at my place for another sleepover, Miz played with Mos' PSP, Mos played Zelda on my Wii for over six hours, and I watched a copy of Die Hard 4 that Mos got from Kala on Mos' laptop, and we all played some dominoes together.

Today I finally got myself to Bab AlShargi and got myself some power adapters for my access point and wireless router. Also got some Wii games which took ages because the shop owner had to make me copies. And the one game: Brain Age, that I really wanted didn't work when I got home.

Just had an excited conversation with my dad, which couldn't be helped since I had just had a drink. He's complaining that I'm still in Baghdad and that I'm carrying out the work he's tasked me too slowly. I'm came back at him, by describing the circumstances I'm having to deal with. He gave me permissions to spend money more freely to get the job done fast. The conversation was a continuation of a previous call which included questions like why didn't I take my our car to go to the farm or why do I need to get a check to make a new passport.

Afternoon at Home

I got back from the farm yesterday. What's strange is that I feel I somehow got used to being there. Nahida isn't in such a great mood since we got back, she says it's the heat. Urban Baghdad is warmer. Mos says he's hungry and I am too. He's playing Zelda, he's got a long way till he catches up with me. I need to have over Mos to make use of his wireless access point because I'm still too lazy to look for new adapters to replace my fried access point and wireless router power adapters. I could go buy a new access point for fifty bucks in the mean time. Made cheddar cheese sandwiches, warmed them up in the oven, picked up some mint leaves from the garden and put them in the sandwiches also added some Worcestershire sauce. I don't think I like Worcestershire sauce. Spoke to dad on the phone just now, Gave me a list of things to do regarding the farm. He wants me to do an inventory check on the seeds and fertilizer. I've been trying to imagine if it's possible to make some kind of database with a program to make running the farm easier. Od's back from Yemen, he went there to visit his family. Should be looking forward to catching up with him and telling him off for not bringing some qat up his anus.

I Went To Najaf

Yesterday I was planning to go back to Baghdad because I had run out of food. But the government pulled off a last minute traffic ban meaning I'm stuck in the farm till Saturday or Sunday I think. So instead of going to Baghdad yesterday Nahida, Fozzy and I went to check out Najaf which isn't very far at all. The last time I went there must've been over ten years ago and visiting my grandfather's crypt in the basement of a house too creeped out to take a good look. Someday I'm expected to be burried there too. I really ought to check it out again sometime before I'm dead. Was hoping to find some food in Najaf and we wound up heading to one of the poshest neighbourhoods to find a grocery shop but they didn't have much of anything good either aside from some beans in a tin and Nescafe gold blend.

We also went to the big market they've got over there. On the way there we passed by a fire station wondering whether they should move out because there was lots of smoke rising from behind a wall across the street. The market was very lively. The whole city appeared a significant degree cleaner than Baghdad. The number of shops in the market was incredible considering they're all selling pretty much the same stuff mostly textiles, basic foods and speciality sweets, and gold jewelery. There was one little shop with a guy making 'head turds'. It looked like a lot of work went into one of those, but I imagine most of them are machine made now. It wasn't difficult to spot Iranian tourists either even though they appeared to make an effort to blend in. Some of the shop keepers were even speaking Farsi. There were private security soldiers there too, they were the only ones that appeared to be taking maintaining security seriously. They'd stand firmly in one place whilst Iraqi security forces would mop around, play around with their mobile phones or congregate over some tea.

I really want to get back to Baghdad. I think there might be some hypocrisy when the government imposes a traffic ban so that people can do their "walk" to Kadhimiya. The government is very big on the idea of the majority yet I don't think the majority of people are going on this walk in the first place.

Sweaty and Dirty

I'm inside a baking hot first floor internet cafe in Shamiya right now. I've got to stay put here till Fozzy finishes seeing the doctor because he's got a nasty flu or something. Early this morning he was wailing puke out. I'm surprised I'm not sick myself yet.

I got back here a couple days ago. The good news is that unlike last time, I was able to take a dump the very day I arrived. Last time I think it took me three days for my bum to feel at home enough to take a poo.

The electricity isn't as good as last time unfortunately and there's no fuel being at the petrol station either. Oh yay, the electricity is here but it's been five minutes and the air conditioner looks dead to me.

Looks like it's nearly time for me to get picked up. I wasn't able to finish my last post at home because the mains adapter to both my access point and wireless router died on me. Another problem with having no national electricity is that you end up using bad electricity that fries everything. Today I was thinking of sweeping the tarmac area in front of our storage rooms. But changed my mind because I didn't have a good enough broom and because I don't know how to deal with the many piles of dog poo that are scattered all around.

Water's pretty scarce at my house here too. I haven't had a shower since I got here. But I'm okay with that so far. I'm a dirty person. I did shampoo my hair today though with bottled water. Apparently today our guard let some punks take water from the guest hall tanks. And the thing is that those water tanks need to be filled before the one for the house begins to fill up. This guard of ours is such a wanker. And there's another one that I don't see much, which I like more but just because I do not see him. Apparently the other one is planning to ditch his wife and seven daughters to get married to another and then perhaps hop off to another town.

Back in Baghdad, my brother has a house that last year I was visiting every other week to photograph during it's construction and which this year I used the "it's not safe" excuse to avoid the hassle. The last time I went there before going off to the UK for my summer vacation last year, the guys building the house put a lady to live in the place to avoid squatters from moving into it. It's recently been revealed to me when Nahida chatted to a friend of mine who lives in the neighbourhood that the woman has three girls that she prostitutes. Unfortunately, it was to late to take advantage of that because the scene there has indeed become too dangerous for me since Nahida has been receiving threats regarding my dad's house which is next to my bro's.

At first the threats demanded that she puts decent people to occupy the house. The house had been occupied by a Sudanese man for the past few years but he went to Samara to fix some engines and never came back. After the first threat call Nahida got a Sudanese woman and her children in the house. And it's around about this time that the police who had set up a checkpoint near the house began hassling the Sudanese woman asking her to share the house with them. The guys making the threats then began sending SMS messages because Nahida wouldn't pick up when they call. They disapproved of the Sudanese family. Nahida suspects that it's the police that's pretending to be part of a militia and is making the threats. One of my friends thinks that the guys making the threats aren't the real deal since they haven't come to our doorstep yet. I think it was at this point that Nahida and my dad got our high up government connection in action for the first time. I think the threats have stopped and a few days ago the army came and picked up the woman and her prostitute daughters.

Whilst Nahida was chit chatting with Mos it turned out that the same woman and her prostituted daughters used to live near his house until they were threatened to leave with a grenade. He also said the girls were very hot.

It would've been so cool had I known there were cute prostitutes there from the beginning. Just pop in because I've got to take pics for my bro and get a blow job and walk out.

Ah no, I was mistaken the army didn't pick up the woman and her daughters.

[update 18/9/07: I got this whole story messed up towards the end... our government connection got the cops that wanted to move into my dad's house off of our backs, but it was the angry neighbours who complained to a local official and had the army come and pay the prostitutes a visit. The neighbours then approached the prostitutes and convinced them it was best for them to leave and gave them some money from a mosque to get them on their way. And apparently the latest is that they didn't move all that far away, and they'll eventually got kicked off again rather soon.]

Back From The Plantation

If only it was a cannabis plantation instead of a rice plantation.

Last Tuesday at around midday Nahida's brother dropped Nahida and I at Allawi, supposedly there's been a direct Shamiya-Baghdad route running for the past two years. But we were too late and all that we found were minivans when we got there. Nahida's brother then dropped us off at the spot where the Diwaniya cars go and we agreed with a cab driver to take up the three rear seats to ourselves. We then had to wait for two more passengers to take up the two front seats. But anybody that approached us was then drawn to another cab driver with a people carrier car that was offering a better deal. After a long wait, Nahida went to check out the Shamiya spot and came back with a Shamiya driver. We then had to wait again for another two people to fill up the front seats. Eventually some strange guy showed up and Nahida convinced him to ride with us.

The dude was an interesting character he said he had escaped from Iraq during the Intifada and moved to Lebanon and spent thirteen years of his life there only to come back after the '03 war ended. He works as a contractor and hadn't been in Iraq for over a year. The poor guy kept on complaining about the heat and how half of the population have become cops or soldiers.

The road to Shamiya is a four hour pain (was a two hour drive before the war). We couldn't take the highway because it's considered too dangerous, instead we drove on two lane roads and passed through cities. We'd go through a jammed checkpoint every fifteen or thirty minutes. During the first half of the way we got caught behind a convoy of fuel trucks which slowed us down and caused a major jam whenever it reached a checkpoint.

We then got to Hilla and as the car came to a halt at a checkpoint the engine turned off and wouldn't start again. We pushed the car aside and understood from the driver that the fuel pump in his Caprice Classic (also known as a Dolpheen) needs to cool down. Well after a long wait, it still didn't work and we got a ride with another car to get us to Shamiya. There was one checkpoint that got on our nerves as the tattooed policeman insisted on thoroughly checking our luggage so as to insure messing everything inside up.

We got to Shamiya at around five o'clock. Fozzy picked us up in his car from the city. We saw a little progress on the new bridge that was contracted prior to the war, but had only begun after the war. On one end it faces an alley. It was the first time Nahida and I see the new tarmac road along our street that the Americans contracted. The first night was quite cool actually because for the first time in ages I got out at night and had tikka and narguila at a cafe by the river.

When we got back there was a pissed off farmer carrying a Kalashnikov. He had a go at Fozzy because his plot of land wasn't irrigated. I just watched the farmer yell at Fozzy whilst Fozzy's right hand man, Nabil, tried to calm the situation. I later understood from Fozzy that the farmer had missed his chance to irrigate and then had not followed up the work of the shovel guy in charge of irrigation to make sure he got some water earlier the same day.

I conveyed what I understood from Fozzy to my dad to ask him what should I of said in such a situation. Dad told me that I should express of my disapproval of such behaviour on behalf of the farmer. In a later phone call, he brought the subject up again, and took side with the farmer and told me that it's the irrigation manager's fault. We pay the irrigation manager to deal with this. And if a farmer gets so heated to come to Fozzy that it shows how much the farmer cares. Dad's already not happy with the irrigation manager and wants to get rid of him. So dad wanted me to make a big deal about it and form some kind of confrontation between the farmer and the irrigation manager and make it a point to show fault on behalf of the irrigation manager.

I then asked Fozzy and Nabil about the whole deal, and it turned out that the farmer in question is simply a trouble maker in the first place. And then when I conveyed the name of the farmer to my dad, he instantly scrapped all the fuss he wanted me to make.



The next day I tagged along Fozzy who had to pick up a receipt and give it to the warehouse next door so that some guys can pick up a batch of government subsidized fertilizers. After that Fozzy and I walked around town to look for a fan because the guys at the office that handed him the receipt asked for a fan. We picked one out and bought it the next day and gave it to them. We later then checked out a piece of junk that was become to a new irrigation pump and a new pipe that Fozzy had installed to separate our irrigation network from the 'agrarian reformed' network. The agrarian reform guys figured had figured out that they need not run their water pumps since ours were working and fed into their network so Fozzy had a pipe installed to get their water go through our network without mixing.

After dropping off the fan, some guy who had participated in the installation of the our mill took us to a neighbouring city to check out some mill machinery imported from China. Fozzy really wants us to upgrade to the new stuff because the milling machines we have are terribly out-dated. But last year my dad was reluctant to upgrade. Perhaps I'll be able to convince my dad to upgrade, but there's no rush yet. And it shouldn't be too hard to convince dad considering one new production line would mill rice twice as fast as the four production lines we already have and with far fewer workers.

The government gives batches of unmilled rice that it has purchased from farmers at a heavily subsidized price to private mills. The size of the batch is based on the number of production lines (not on capacity) and guarantees in the form of real estate. Once a mill has processed that certain quantity, it may try to get a second and then a third batch until the government has no more rice to milled.

This nearby city's plantations were so much nicer than ours. The river there was wider and nearly touched the edged of the land. We sat and listened to the guy's selling the milling machines in their home and there was talk about the government, Fozzy wanted to see if there was anything indicating any change in government policy in the milling industry, I think the answer was no. The government wouldn't do anything to piss off the farmers even more because they are the main support base. Apparently this year's scam on the government was done by selling rice imported from Iran to the government. We wound up having lunch at there. I didn't imagine I would've been caught in the lunch trap so early in my stay. But fortunately it wasn't too bad, even though it was fish. And I don't like the fish there. But I do like tuna.

The weather in these parts are a few degrees cooler than Baghdad. And I guess the humidity from the irrigation that's taking place helps too. From now till September the plantations will go through three or four phases of irrigation. Each plot of land is bordered on two sides by streams. One stream feeds water into the plot that is slightly slanted so that the water then runs off into the drainage stream on the other side. However on the last phase in September the drainage stream is closed off and the water is left still on the plot. It's when the that water is left still that the mosquito spawning begins in earnest. Will try to avoid going there in September.

It's during this summer period of irrigation that the government makes it a point to give more electricity to the plantations so to run the irrigation pumps (this was practiced before the war too). I never did count the number of hours that we got over there but it was much better than anything we have been getting in Baghdad in a long time. It might have been something like ten hours a day. But even with ten hours of electricity we're still dependent on running our pumps on diesel too. We've got a couple of one hundred year old British water pumps there that used to run on some obsolete form of petrol that's been converted to run on diesel. It makes a sweet choo choo sound when it runs.

The increase of electricity during this period does create a suspicion that the government chooses not to supply the same amount of electricity the rest of the year. I asked how come the municipality doesn't get some major generators and just hook up the people with electricity that way. I was told that that was tried in Najaf but the Najaf government couldn't get its hands on the diesel to run the generators.

I spoke to dad everyday whilst I was there. He would re-iterate what I'd have to get done and ask how far I've got. And I'd ask him about the situations that I'd see unfold before me. So at this point, I hadn't started on any of the things I was supposed to do. Fozzy handed me a bunch of deeds that I tried to make some sense out of. Then Fozzy took me to meet the lawyer, one of two people that my dad told me to meet to get the ownership of plots transferred to me. The lawyer ran me through the steps of red tape required to do the transfer. I'd have to get a new version of the deed from the local surveyor's office and then make a request that then has to be taken to another 2 local government offices and then finally to a regional office.

There was a nice guy at the lawyer's office a few years older than me who jotted down the steps in more detail and told me a bit about his experience transferring a couple of plots. He told me it took him about six months to get them done. And at this point I'm imagining that I've got a hundred of such deeds. The lawyer also explained to me that the government offices don't have the capacity to process more than a hundred and fifty applications a month, so I'd have to do them in small batches. From the start the lawyer suggested that I only transfer the plots whose value outweigh the cost of processing. But I explained that so far the idea is to do all of them for now.

The day after I saw the other person that my dad told me to see in his home. My dad had told me this guy who works at the surveyor's office was going to be more valuable to me than the lawyer in so far as getting things done. This guy also started off with the idea that I shouldn't bother transferring all of the plots to my ownership but that rather there were a few big ones and that he'd have them done for me in a week as soon as he gets back from his 'Omrah' trip in two weeks but in the meantime I could get a new version of the deeds of those plots. The Omrah trip, like the Hajj involves going to Mecca but not during Ramadhan or the Hajj time of year. Luckily the other guest at his house was an employee in the same office and offered to help me out too, because we're all related.

I was introduced to a lot of people whilst I was there, something which I dislike because I'm terrible at learning people's names. And the people I was introduced to were, more often than not, related to me. It got really silly at one point when I was shopping for some snacks and cigarettes and as I walked out of the shop Fozzy told me that the shop keeper was my relative too. The nice effect of this is that everybody's nice to me. Fozzy expressed his surprise to find the people at the bank acting a little nicer than expected to me. Bank employees are usually unfriendly and strive to be as unhelpful as possible, but instead they had me sit down under the air-conditioner to talk and joke with me. I guess it falls down to the novelty of me.

After I had open a current and savings account I asked one of the employees to do a 'taghviya' thing for me. A paper that authorizes that bank to withdraw money from my deposit account if my current account doesn't have enough funds to honour a check I've written. The employee told me to forget about it so I went to the manager. The bank manager said he had thought that I had opened only a current account because he hadn't signed the savings account form and then he pressed a buzzer. He explained to me that he hadn't a sample so that he may write one up for me. What ticked me off was that I did take a partial sample of it when I had opened the bank accounts in Baghdad but had forgotten it. But I was glad I got out of the office before one of the employees came in to get told off by the manager.

Any ideas I've had about marrying a farmer girl there has been struck off. I have now understood that over there a groom meets his wife the day of the wedding.

Summer Laziness

Peacefully bored, or just about. There's a subtle feeling of anticipation nagging somewhere in my head. It's nearly four in the morning. For the past few days, I've had Miz and Mos sleeping over and I've been messing up my sleeping schedule. I now wake up around two in the afternoon or even later. I might go out tomorrow, out of the house that is. I wonder how long I've been house bound. Can't be more than three days. I went to the bank didn't I.

Nahida wants to go and take the generator to someplace on the other side of the city to get it repaired. It's a chance to take my laptop to the repair shop to, but I'm hesitant to take it there. Nahida tells me that there's an internet cafe at the farm. That might not be true, but it's about time that they do have one. An internet cafe might also mean that there would also be a wireless internet provider. I still wonder how long I'm going to last over there. Why does that place have to be so dirty and everybody so conservative. That place needs an untraditional upper class or to be exposed to foreigners perhaps.

My uncle's going off to meet up with my dad in Lebanon tomorrow. He's finally going to leave. I don't know if he plans to move back in or not after he comes back, but I don't want to ask either, because that could be interpreted as inviting him to. After he does, I've got draw up some plans to avoid him from moving back in when he comes back from there. Such as instructing Nahida to turn off the generator line when he comes back and telling him it doesn't work anymore. Another idea would be to collect all the stuff that he's left behind in a big box and have it ready so that when he comes knocking in the door I'd be able to hand it over to him and make up some excuse why he can't come in.

I can't believe that it's been two weeks since my summer holiday began. And I haven't begun any of the plans I had to make the most of my summer. I haven't even bothered to print out those Arabic verbs I need to memorize or go to the swimming pool. I was hoping Miz would come along with me but he doesn't want to pay the annual membership fee. And I missed all my chances, which weren't that many, to go with my uncle. He doesn't like the outdoor pool and the indoor pool is supposedly under maintenance. Nahida's having trouble getting in touch with my Arabic tutor which is odd. My other idea was to start studying some maths. I'll take my math book with me to the farm and see if I can find a math teacher there to tutor me in my free time. What I need to do is get a piece of paper and write this stuff down to make it happen. Things are easier to get done if I write them down. Today I did complete the third chapter of eight of Super Paper Mario so at least I'm getting something done.

The oldest friend, the only one that I've remained in touch with from my days in Paris got married today. He got married in Lebanon and invited me over since it's nearby to Iraq so I told him I'd try to come, but then told him I couldn't make it. I felt guilty over that. And the same thing is happening with K who's getting married in Germany and unlike everyone else I don't have the visa excuse. And as much as I'd like to attend both, I'm broke. It seems like it's one of those odd ways that life's trying to pressure me to get to work. I've got to take over that damn smelly farm.

Why does Nahida want to go out tomorrow... tomorrow's the day with the most traffic. It's the day that most employees go to work for appearances sake. She says it's evens tomorrow, Miz called later telling me that tomorrow's odds. And it's not really that hot outside except when you're stuck in a traffic jam of which there will be plenty of tomorrow.

Wiiii

I was planning to be at the farm by now, but I'm still in Baghdad. And Nahida tells me she spoke to my dad and delayed my trip a few more days. My dad's been speaking to me a lot recently, lecturing me about the farm and telling me what I must do.

So far I've got two objectives, the first is to start transferring ownership of my dad's plots of lands to me. I didn't think that was a big deal until I had a look at the maps and my dad explained to me that he has an inheritance share in so and so sectors and each sector is split up into many smaller plots and each of these plots has an individual title deed whose ownership is shared among the inheritors of my grandfather. It looks like there's over a hundred of these little plots. It's starting to look like quite a big project on its own.

The second objective is to start taking over the farm accounts from the manager and to run some sort of petty cash account for him. What's surprising about this is that my dad's finally going to trust me with vast amounts of money. Today I opened bank accounts in Baghdad and when I go to the farm I'll have to open a couple of accounts there too. And then I'm supposed to take account of the manager's expenses and feed his petty cash fund at the end of every month. I wonder if this really means that Nahida and her husband would no longer be in charge of handing me my pocket money.

Whilst I was there I asked how does a bank make a profit. The bank manager explained to me that because of the security situation the bank does not rely on loans to make generate revenue but instead makes deposits at the central bank which gives the bank a higher rate of interest than the bank gives out to its customers with deposit accounts.

Well summer's started, and I have begun to spend money a bit more freely. I got myself a Japanese modded Wii a couple of days ago for 390 bucks from the only shop that sells them. Nintendo is not popular in Iraq, the reason according to the guy at the shop was that there never are any great football titles on Nintendo systems.

The Wii's great fun, the games work fine and are in English. But since the thing is Japanese the Wii menus are in Japanese and there's no choice to switch the menu language to English and it seems I won't be able to make any use of any of the online functionality. And after I slapped in a game the console performed an update, and I'm no longer able to access the settings menu.

It takes the piss that the manuals are in Japanese too. I'm wondering how in the world am I going to get some Wii and DS interoperability going on, or if that's even possible. I've even the read that that Wii points, the credit system to make online purchases, are region specific. I'm thinking that I might some day sell this one and then buy a legal Wii.

So far I've got 5 games: Wii Play, NFS Carbon, Mario Strikers Charged Football, Super Paper Mario, and Zelda. The games are a dollar and a half each. There is a bright side to having a modded Wii. The one game I'm looking forward to now is Mario Party 8, but I've yet to get more Wiimotes. The shop owner was only willing to sell me one but for nearly 50 bucks. Maybe I could get my dad to send some to me from Lebanon.

In the mean time I should start trying to figure out how to get in touch with my feelings. Maybe, I should try to get down and start meditating. Shut up the chattering monkey in my head.