It's Like A Quarter Bottle Of Grant's

Yeah I'm going all alcoholic again. I need myself a Ramadhan. Found new pleasure in buying 2 dollar quarter bottles of Grant's while driving around. It ain't bad at for that price. Embarrassed myself a tid bit at uni the other day at uni. But heck I don't care.

Mum might be visiting in a few days. I'm quite looking forward to that. . I miss her. If I had the chance I would've tried convincing her not to come. No good ever comes from visiting Baghdad.

I feel really messed up of late. I'm getting nothing done. I did buy that dictionary but didn't find a newspaper. So I spent an hour looking up words that I didn't understand in my risk management handout.

Od's trying to get us some hash for New Year's that I'll be paying for. heck I think it's worth it and no I don't think it's going to mess me up. But it doesn't seem to be happening. Too bad. New Year's is probably going to be one of those nights that I try to go to sleep early. Kid's at uni, knowing that I live alone, want to come over. But I'm not ready to have such a pathetic time.

I miss a few things. I miss the feeling of something new. I miss that feeling that life is happening this very moment. I miss these things, and I wonder if I'll ever life a life filled with such things again.

Got Guiness

I'm sounding like an alcoholic again hehe. But yeah I got me some Guiness, pretty good Christmas surprise from the alky store if you ask me.

I did get the dictionary, I didn't get the newspaper. I just finished figuring out the introduction and directions of the dictionary though. Tomorrow, I'll try using the dictionary with the material I have to study for an upcoming test at college.

I hope I'll find my notes and stuff at uni tomorrow.

Damn You Liminal

I'm still posting from the internet cafe. Can't be bothered to fix my PC. Thinking of just getting a laptop instead. I've got an urge to spend money these days, that's just a tad out of control. The good thing about not having a PC is that I'm spending more time downstairs and without the need of a generator. Nothing ever good on TV. So I sit and play Final Fantasy Tactics on the DS which is a demented game for real, but it kills timely so sweetly.

So Liminal spent maybe an hour or less, persuading me to learn Arabic a couple of nights ago. Had I done what I agreed to do, I would've started already. But I'm going to today. After I'm done here I'm going to go off to buy an Arabic-English dictionary, a newspaper, a pen and a hardcover notebook. I'm going to underline the words I don't know and learn them. I'll admit my confidence is withering already.

Got to go to my uncle's funeral thingie today. Sit down say some stuff as I sit down, close my eyes and pretend to perform a prayer, drink some coffee. Shit I got to be ready to spend a long time there.

It's the season to send Christmas e-mails. Got 2 sent so far. Ah 4 now. 4 is a good number. That's good enough.

Expired Beer

It's no so often that I find the title to a post so easily. Well I still need to go the internet cafe because my PC is still playing dead. Home is so boring without it. That's why I've come here to the internet cafe. I found a new hobby of downloading mp3s of unheard of bands, hell they're free and legal. I bought a little Creative mp3 player. Now I'm thinking it's too small. 256 MB turned out not to be enough. An IPod seems to be the way to go. But damn those things are expensive. I'm seeing ads of an overgrown bean Sony looking thing. Maybe that's the way to go.

The thing I hate about these internet cafes, are the keyboards. They've all got sticky keys.

So on my way back from uni, inspired by the guys in the car infront of me in the petrol queue yesterday, I got myself some bottles of beer. Finished my first one and began to look for the expiry date. It expired May of this year, typical! It still gives a buzz. They're expired because they're cheaper and nobody is going to give them even a slap on the wrist for selling it. What really gets on my nerves is the abundance of beer produced in Turkey some of which is labelled Carlsberg or Tuborg. Given the choice I'd go for expired beer of the stuff made in Turkey. Not that I have anything against Turkey. Just their beer is pretty lousy if you ask me. And no I wouldn't be able to know the difference in a blind test.

I spent over an hour, maybe two hours yesterday in a petrol queue of a closed petrol station. The price of petrol has gone up. It used to cost 20/50 I.D. a litrefor normal/premium fuel, it now costs 150/250 I.D. a litre. Well yeah it's quite a big diffence, I just hope that it means that queue will be a bit shorter next time I go to the fuel station. Yeah I'm going to the premium station. Because it's not like a station sells both. Some stations sell normal and a few sell premium. And when we're talking premium, it's not the high-octane stuff. It's just a little bit better than the plain stuff, which is really bad. And there's no unleaded fuel in case you were wondering.

My PC Is Dead Yet Again

I'm at the internet cafe right now. Damn PC gave up on me again last night. I'm so tempted to try and weasel my dad into buying me a new computer. And I can't be bothered to go fix it, especially when I've got no clue of what's wrong with it. At first it would turn on and stop just before starting to do the RAM check. Now it turns on, but the monitor just stays on stand-by. I changed the video card, that didn't do anything. I'm guessing it's more than likely that it's my power supply that's fucked up again, possibly my motherboard. I'd dread having to replace my motherboard. I've got such an old one. Well it means that my home entertainement has been heavily reduced. No more internet or Need For Speed.

Traffic And The Lack There Of

Today I got out of the house. I was hoping to go to India's to finish the Butterfly Effect but his sis and her husband were over to watch movies. Od was busy studying, so I called up Zaif, and rode over to his house. There was a bit of confusion whether if we could drive our cars out of our neighbourhood and I wanted to refuel my car. So I decided to see if the petrol station was open, it wasn't and the cops weren't allowing people to drive out of my neighbourhood. Had lunch at his place and then Naf took us for a ride to Od's. The cops stopped us on the way, but they let us pass. On the way back, we avoided the cops who were standing at the main intersections.

Zaif gave me the link to a the traffic police's website where you can check if there any fines on your car. Oh the actual page where you can do that is this. All you need to do is put in your license plate number, the type of plate, and assigned region; and you'll get an instant result. It's especially useful if you want to check if you got caught breaking the odd's and even's driving rule (Alternatingly daily only odd or even license plated cars can drive the roads). Well anyway, I'm good, I never broke that law and nor do I have any outstanding fines.

It drizzled rain for a few moments today. That was cool. It's really nice seeing the streets without cars. All the kids have taken over a strip of the main street to play football. And it's oh so quiet and peaceful. Tomorrow it's all going to end, at 6 AM tomorrow all the hussle and bussle will start all over again.

My Arm's Feeling A Little Better

I'm so bored and lazy today. I think I must be gaining weight again. I should tuck back into bed and hibernate. Had I woken up earlier I could've gone to India's to finish the Butterfly Effect. These random chatters that show up on my ICQ are so damn boring and becoming a nuisance. Looking at my white board my spending looks a little better these past couple of days.

I'm not bothered to go and vote. Oh yes, apathy has prevailed. And if this country goes beyond hell, I can now blame only myself.

So what else is up. Did I mention that Suzy and I exchanged phone number for the sake of getting on-line together. But I keep having such trouble of getting on-line during the early evening. It never works out. I should call her today. I don't think I will, I'm feeling too lazy and enjoying it.

A week ago I went to a relative's house with my dad, he'd been suggesting that I marry one of the daughters. I was very reluctant to the idea. While I was there I sat with her to smoke some cigarettes away from my father. Suzy gave me a missed call. And I said: "Oh, I've got to call my girlfriend". After telling the daughter about Suzy, she starts telling me to leave her. She goes on to say that I should call her instead of Suzy. I did get the impression that this girl was coming on to me the last time I saw her 3 years ago. But this was outrageous. On the way back I told my dad about the incident in the cab. Hopefully that should put that girl out of his mind.

I was telling Hans about my requirements of an arranged wife. She'd need to satisfy 2 out of 3 qualities: Beauty, Wealth and Career. Yeah I'm sticking the bar really high, but one might as well if there's no romance in the deal.

False Alarm

It's about 3 am now and the rumour has crossed just nearly the whole city. Even the mosques have been warning people through their loud speakers mounted on the minarets. I heard a local radio station asking people to call in for more information about the rumours.

But just now there's been a tellie broadcast saying that the government has performed tests and say the rumours are not true.

Ow! My Arm and By The Way The Tap Water Is Poisoned

My arm still hurts from yesterday's bike fall. It just burns. But I must admit that it's been getting slightly better over the past few hours. I've realised that the area is swollen. I rode my bike to India's place watched half of the Butterfly Effect. Couldn't watch the other half because the electricity was lacking and I wanted to get back before dark. Some punk in a humvee made me stay put until he moved out. I was so far away it took the piss. I was on a different street for crying out loud. And damn their hand signaling is so damn confusing, especially when they're asking you to do something so unexpected.

20 minutes ago I got an SMS from Dina saying that the tap water is poisoned, and one of my classmates just called saying the same thing too. I asked that maybe it's just some kind of rumour that's gone out of control, he says that a cop relative of his gave him the news and that there have been cases brought to the hospitals. I just called India, and his cousin has told him that the tap water is poisoned too. India also heard from his cousin that it's official, but India didn't get what was the source of this official statement. It's 2 in the morning! And there's absolutely nothing on the tellie about it.

Well ain't this a great way to start up the elections. Yeah I'm still not sure who or if I'm going to vote tomorrow. I might not be registered at all. One suggestion is to vote for some punks that are bound to lose. I'm not sure, I'm thinking that or choosing another leading party that's opposed to one I dislike. Try guessing which is the one I dislike the most.

The Power Cuts And The Words Will Be Forever Gone

Maybe 7 minutes left. Maybe less, maybe more. If only I had bought a UPS. I drunk on some Piat D'Or, a label from my childhood memories. My brother tells me that is was popular in the 80s. Tonight it's popular again.

I rode my bike to Od's place today. On the way back I fell off it while trying to jump onto a curb. Scraped the underside of my upper forearm. Couldn't go to sleep because of a mad burning sensation from the same area. So I popped an aspirin, a lezopram (I think it was), and that bottle of red wine.

The pain has subdued somewhat and I think I can fall asleep now. Zed's done a good job of convincing me to come to Bulgaria this coming summer. If I can I will. I've got a couple of grand stashed aside. Well when the time comes I'll make my call.

I'm still wondering what we'll be 'friends' means to Suzy. We did swap phone numbers. And keep trying to get 0n-line at the same time, but luck doesn't seem to be on my side. It's getting really hard to get an internet connection.

Dad left a couple of days ago. He's back in Bath now. Yeah I miss Bath. Should be heading up there next summer. Smoke some of that smelly skunk perhaps. Make a little spending money and do a little trip to someplace.

Until then I'll have to keep myself occupied with VH1 and playing video games. These days I'm playing NFS Most Wanted. It feels awfully easy. Haven't played Mario since dad arrived.

Right now we've got some sort of vacation on account of the elections. Not just a vacation but we're also forbidden to drive on the roads. But I'm a bit confused about that last bit. I'm hearing that it might be permitted to drive durin certain hours. Well I've got my bike anyway.

India's got himself a new second-hand Sony widescreen tv, so I'm planning to mosey on down to his tomorrow and watch a movie. Today I did read the risk management material that I failed in last week's test. I got a 2/5. Well bugger, can't win them all huh.

During the past couple of weeks I've had some serious trouble getting myself to study. I just couldn't be bothered. I might be just trying to gauge how bad I'll do if I give the least effort I could give.

New Narguila Stylee

I don't know how long these kind of Narguilas (Hookas) have been around. But it was the first time I saw such a kind. It uses a pomegranate instead of the a ceramic or clay thingie to hold the molasses (the flavoured tobacco). Funky Stuff. The difference was good. But I'm not a connaisseur. 

One Paragraph

Woke up on time today, got dressed. Didn't shave, didn't bother tucking in my shirt. Got to college in one piece. Spent some time with Suzy before classes started, then left her to study with the other kids for today's marketing test. I didn't end up doing so bad on the test. The two questions were piss easy. Went off to Sana'a St. to find myself a laptop bag to carry my shit for my bicycle ride to college. I bought a bike yesterday. I'm going to try and ride my bike to uni. It's quite a ridiculous idea. But I won't know if I can do it until I try. Everybody would bet that I can't. I did buy a little mp3 player though, which I could use for the bike ride, if not then I'll plug it in the car audio. I might finally be able to receive FM above 99 Mhz in the car. Met up with my classmates for lunch at some really awful yet popular restaurant called 'Blue Sky'. It's December but it's still so bleeding warm here. It seemed like the weather was cooling off about a month ago. It was so hot today that we couldn't sit outside the restaurant. I didn't give a care, but the others were whining so we ended up getting seats inside. We then went off to the funeral service, of one of our classmates brother. Some dude walked up to him and shot him in the face. So far none of us no why. I got pissy because the whole service took longer than I expected and it was really far from my home. And I was worried I was going to have some real trouble catching a cab out of there. Fortunately I got a good deal without waiting too much. Dad came back from the farm today. He's now supposed to go back to the UK on Sunday. I finally beat him at dominoes. I'm not going to play another game till I see him again, to make sure I rub it in. Oh yeah and there's a bottle of whiskey waiting for me in the kitchen...

Lost My Phone

I was writing such a long post early this morning and lost it when the generator ran out of fuel.

Actually it was this morning. On my way back from uni yesterday I purchased myself another bottle of white wine, ended up sleeping at around 6 in the evening and waking up at around 4 this morning.

Yesterday was a pretty crap day. Nahida woke me up around 2 AM to get me in my sheets yelling that I'll get diarrhea, that really ticked me off and even more so when she flung the blanket over me along with my precious digital camera that hit the wall.

My mobile phone fell out of my pocket in the cab I was riding on the way to uni. I called it a little later and it rang but no one answered, I called again an hour later and again, the phone was switched off. Everybody at uni felt sorry for me until they found out what kind of phone I had... the Nokia 1100 priced at 65$ probably the cheapest mobile phone on the market.

I got a good mark on my quality admin test (4/5), which was a good surprise. I've got Risk Management on Sunday, haven't started studying and I'm not too confident. One class that I'm really crapping myself about is commerical law. The teach just dictates, and I can't understand anything of what she's saying.

And what about Suzy... After my marketing test on Wednesday I found her sitting in the adjacent classroom with her friend. I sat down with her and we discussed my test, her friend wandered off on queue. And as instructed by Lilly I told Suzy "I love you lovingly". In Arabic the word "love" and "like" are the same, and that's why I think it's necessary to say it like that. She responded by saying we're to be 'friends' which I'm not sure but it could either mean 'friends' like when you're being dumped or if it means 'boyfriend/girlfriend'.

Another funny twist is that by saying 'friends' she might be implying as a cautionary note that we've got no future in a marriage sense. Lilly's cautioned me several times that marriage is impossible since her parents would not allow her to marry a Muslim. And that's really fine with me, I'm sure it wouldn't be with the vast majority of guys but it is with me. The only thing that's somewhat stressing me out is that she introduced me to her brother and yesterday he was really chummy with me, I hope he just sees me as an extension of his network of friends.

Well on the whole the relationship is really really luke warm so far. Which I think is good. I haven't even touched the girl yet. I don't have her phone number either, for that I'm glad because I rely alot on non-verbal communication to make myself understood.

I'm really curious to see where this is all going to go. Because I've got no idea.

The Glorious City of Shamiya

 

The Mill

 

Where We Bury Those That Don't Cooperate

 

When Harvesting Takes Place

 

100+ Year Old Eucalyptus Tree

Dad's Here On A Visit

My dad came for a visit about 10 days ago. He got me some clothes and another damn suit. He also brought me a Sony T7 digital still camera, which he, my brother and I shared the cost of. We went to the farm last farm and I took alot of pics while I was there. They've started harvesting and trying to get a deal from the government to mill some rice.

Our mill was offering to mill the rice from the government and to returnn 58% percent of it as whole grain rice. The other mills were complaining as well as the director in our region and wanted us to only offer 54%. We had to concede to their wishes and withdraw our offer of 58%. What's happening is that the other mills can't be profitable at 58% unlike us, and if we're the only mill working at 58% the government official will look bad.

I'm back to smoking two packs a day. Ought to take back control. But my dad's arrival shook up my system. Well that's my excuse anyhow.

University is alot more bareable this time around. My class is very friendly. And there's some girl, Suzy, from a different section of my year that in the first days of classes was the only girl from outside my class to come up to me to talk. Well she's some what cute and I found her friendly. Well ever since, we've been saying hello to each other and might chat about whatever test we have that day.

One of the guys in my class, Dick, because he ditched me twice when he was supposed to help me study for an exam. Not really his fault the first time because there was that serious car bomb in his neighbourhood. Well going back to the subject, he noticed that I liked Suzy, and I casually said yeah sure.

Yesterday, one of the guys of my class came up to me, not really sure of his name probably Ahmed. He comes up to me saying he wants a word with me about a 'positive subject'. He takes me aside and tells me that Suzy was saying that she liked me. We had no more classes, I walked out of the colllege and then turned around thinking that I might as well deal with the situation now better than later. Especially considering that the next day was a day off.

Go back to the cool girl of the class, Lilly to who Suzy was talking to and to who Dick also mentioned that I liked her. She gets up and starts helping me find Suzy. While searching about I get tips and stuff from Lilly on how to approach Suzy. Because I don't know how to do this thing in Arabic. Lilly asks me what my intentions are and if I've got any problems with Suzy being Christian. I didn't know she was Christian, and my intentions?... I told her I was scared of marriage and that I didn't want it to be just a fling (which is all I've ever had so far). I didn't tell her the part in brackets. We searched all over and couldn't find her. Which means tomorrow will be full of suspense.

Play All

So what's new. Not much, dad's arrival has been delaying for a week. He might show up at any moment. I'm drinking red wine tonight. I guess the booze it what it takes for me to bother posting something. Cause otherwise I'd be playing Mario. It rained today. Which is pretty cool. I had to open the sunroof on my way to and from uni. My just did the play all and shuffle my mp3 collection. Something I haven't done in a very very long time. Maybe over a year. It's promising to be an interesting experience. First track I hear, I've never heard before (some alice in chains song). Never could stand arabic music as a matter of fact. Sure the female singers are bodacious. But that leads me to ask why the hell would someone listen to music in English if they don't understand the words. Oh because music is a universal language someone says. Bullshit.

The old habits come back to life

Can't seem to fall asleep. It's 3 am, I've got college tomorrow. I've surrendered to the insomnia, popped open that bottle of wine. My stomach is being very outspoken. My imagination is jogging. Living incredible situations in my mind, an anxious habit. The Mario tune is haunting me. I could hear it so clearly when I turned on the tv a moment ago. A need for some new mp3s is making itself apparent again. But the old tunes have a distinct nostalgia of moments similar to these. I've got a button on my keyboard that calls up the calculator. How cool is that!?

30 minutes ago... I've got to lose my belly before the summer starts again. I'll run in the morning.
15 minutes ago... Crap, I'm already too tired. Might as well open that bottle of wine.

Today is also the second day in a row that I break my 20 cigarette a day rule. I would've stayed within bounds had I fell asleep. One sec, if it's 3 am I could count these smokes from tomorrow's batch. I think there were 21 cigarettes when I went to bed.

I didn't leave the house today. I think that's a first in a long time. The after-effects are terrible. It came down to me not going to out to buy my own cigarettes of course. Smoking is a bad habit, sending people off to get you cigarettes is far worse.

Happy Eid Alcohol Sells Once Again

Hell yes! Ramadhan is finally over! Truth be told it wasn't so bad this year. Smoking in the streets or at uni wasn't a problem. But today, the alcohol was finally open. Yes it was. And your faithful Shaggy woke up, got dressed and walked straight to the alky store to buy himself some booze. Shaggy bought 6 bottles of Miller Genuine Draft, one bottle of Ksara Lebanese red wine (and that's the good stuff) and a bottle of Smirnoff's extra strength Vodka.

Bleeding hell it feels good to be drunk again.

Freshly Baked Brownies And My Tummy

Maybe I shouldn't eat brownies still warm from the oven. My stomach is seriously disagreeing with it. Yesterday I ate a bunch of fried food, and crikey that was messed up. I regurgerating cooking oil for hours. I'm surprised that I'm not really suffering from any heartburn, because I'm really pushing it. I used to suffer from serious spells of heartburn but I think the acupuncture I did last summer put an end to that.

I didn't go to uni today. Nahida told me that today was a national holiday. I didn't confirm it with anyone and it's too late now. I'm trying not to spend anymore money on mobile phone for as long as possible. So far I'm doing pretty well. I spent over a hundred dollars during the last 3 weeks of last month. I think that's as much as I've spent during the rest of the year uptill last month. I should maybe buy a phone card and carry on me till I really need it.

I need to go to the toilet to let go more of those brownies. Nahida's brother's has been staying with us for the past couple of nights. He's really sick. I don't know what's wrong with him. But he's going to get an operation and I think he'll be fine after that. He says it common sense not to eat a cake until it's cooled down. I don't know why but even had he told me before I committed the mistake, I'm convinced that I would've eaten it anyway. And that's me, I have to learn things the hard way, I think I'm pretty good at that. Mice are probably smarter than me in that respect. I'm going to the loo now...

Feeling a little better, but not that much better.

My First Day Back At Uni

Went quite well. Hitched a cab for 3,000 I.D. got me there on time. I think the ride took about 45 minutes. The girls this year aren't as bad as I had expected. There's a strong average of girls with a rate of 5/10 and not many more above or below.

Got to my first class late. Something to do about databases and SQL. But Foxpro had yet to be installed into the PCs. I then switched my section. The first section I was in had a few decent boys and a few not so hot girls. The other section had more chicks, but also included the rough kids that failed last year. These rough ones I know. And they're probably hoping that I help them with their studies. Yeah right! From an academic point of view the previous section sounds to me to be the better choice. But the chicks in the other, they're plentiful and could keep me occupied, during those boring breaks. I'll just try them both out, and make a final decision later if I still can.

I scared a couple of girls in the second section. I was only trying to get to know each other. Now the two girls look away from me and if I come up to them to talk they'll literally run away. I don't what the deal is. But I think it's pretty darn impolite and childish.

In one the classrooms, the lab professor kept me behind in class. He started talking some mumbo jumbo, I told him what he was saying wasn't making any sense to me. Finally he explained that it was rude that I cross my legs in the class room. These people are so touchy huh. But it was all in good humour, I don't have any grudges against that guy.

I took a dare-devil cab driver back home on the way I began reading some of the handouts that I had to purchase. The stuff I'm supposed to be studying looks kind of dense to me. But as usual what kills me is that it's in Arabic. But I managed to read a little, understand a little too.

Got home and fell asleep. Going to uni really kills my legs, especially my knees. I don't know maybe I should try to get that cleared up before it gets worse. That uni should install some more seating arrangements. I'm looking forward to being super duper anti social with my DS and PSP.

Did I mention that I've got a cold. And I do love a good cold. No runny nose too. Just the dull thump in my head. I would really like a beer now.

Thank You For Dial-Up

I just got the dial-up internet connection at my home up hooray.

It's 2:50 AM and today's my birthday. Was supposed to have had Od, Dina, Rosie and I don't know who else over for a little get together yesterday on the occasion of my birthday. But Dina was getting all pissy about it because it's Ramadhan. I got pissy because she was getting pissy. I seem to be getting pissy at Dina alot lately. Not fucking healthy. The thing got cancelled, but we all forgot to inform Rosie who went over to Dina's thinking it was still on with a birthday present for meee.

I'm wondering if the electricity is going to cut off just because I'm writing a post...

I guess it's not going to just yet. Crikey my socks stink. I think I've been avoiding showers lately. I planning to do a work-out tomorrow. Crap I planned to do a bunch of things I'm not going to do. First of all it's my birthday, if there was ever a day in the year that I could procastinate then it should be my birthday.

I'm not really in the mood of doing the usual birthday fest with the lads because K isn't here to do the barbequeing. Oops I already whined about this in my last post.

I'm getting instant spam comments on my posts as soon as I post. That's awful. I was wondering what that article I was reading a few days ago was all about. And I think I saw some option on blogger to deal with this. I guess I'm going to have to find and activate it.

I miss typing on my keyboard. It feels so much more comfortable than those sticky keys at internet cafes. Keyboards are under-rated. The plundering of Baghdad after the fall of Saddam is a testament of keyboards being over-rated. PCs were being stolen and sold on the streets. Now I didn't really see this for myself. But for months people were talking about the idiots selling off the keyboards for higher prices than the cases pointing out that the whole thing is useless without the keyboard. And I'm not the first or the last to ask this, but why do people in the movies bother shooting the monitors?

The electricity has been awfully good the past few days. Obviously it's something to do with the weather. I had to wait all day for the orange juice that was in the freezer to thaw. I hadn't seen that piece of junk freezer freeze anything for months. It's all very incredible. Just to think that ice will be available for the next months to come. Oh my gosh! the possiblities are stupendous.

A Slightly Chilly Evening

I think winter finally started this evening. I walked out of the house around 7 in the evening, and there was a chilly breeze. The internet cafe hadn't yet re-opened from after futoor. So I walked on, walked passed the barber who was sitting down watching the tellie. TV programming during Ramadhan is supposed to be really good. I walked a little further and found a bench to sit on. I was thinking of calling Dina but she was probably still eating futoor.

The chilly breeze felt quite nostalgic of the days when I used to smoke pot. Lately I've been missing that. I don't miss the high as much as the numb escape. I sat on the bench remembering the winter that I arrived in Baghdad nearly 4 years ago. The cooler weather called for some sweets. So I decided to grab the car and go get some konafa. I walked back to my street, and changed my mind and decided to walk to the konafa shop. On the way I called Dina, and continued chatting to her outside the shop until a bunch of guys started walking towards the shop, I obviously had to get priorities right, so I hanged up and ran into the store.

By the time I got home the konafa got a little cold but I dug in anyway. It was rather good. I guess there is something good about Ramadhan.

I was supposed to start the farm accounts today. Didn't get much done at all. I was planning to type in every single journal entry into the computer, but that seemed too daunting a task. I just got the sum of incomes and expenses for the past 6 months and that's it. All I need now is the amount of money piped in and out of the farm to figure how much profit or loss was made. And that'll be taking the easy way out of this whole deal.

Pins and needles owww!

Dad called a short while ago. He's postponed his arrival yay! That gives me more time to do the accounts. But I already outlined that I won't do it the hard way. He seemed to be in a good mood, I hadn't spoken to him in months.

Oh shit! I've got dandruff again. I only just stopped using an anti-dandruff shampoo a couple of weeks ago.

I'm spending too much money talking to Dina on my mobile phone. It was worth it when I had a chance with her. But since that chance has been exhausted there really isn't much of a point on wasting money on the phone calls.

I've got to get a few things done over the next few days. I'm wondering if I should celebrate my birthday party. It doesn't seem like there's going to be much of a point without what's his name who's in the UK now, who's always been in charge of the barbequeing. Seeing the guys try to barbeque last week at Fal's was an awfully pathetic site, wouldn't want to repeat that disaster even though nobody seemed to want to admit it at the time.

India admits to have forgotten that I'm around these days. He's been going out and about without telling me. That honestly is fine with me. But I hope he does give me heads up next time he goes to the market, so I buy a PSP. I did get a Nintendo DS as a gift a short while ago, and oh my goodness gracious me, does that little thing make time fly by while waiting in a 3 hour petrol queue.

I think I need to go back home and smoke a cigarette.

Foiled Again

I told her that I liked her, she gave me the 'I want us to be friends' story.

I'm Trying

Oh this is difficult for me, I think I'm handicapped.

Lately I've been phoning this girl called Dina, she's cute and quite skippy. I remember getting a glance of her in the late 90s and damn her tits looked good in that shirt. I've always liked that girls in shirts. I'm not sure of what kind of shirts but anyway...

So every night I'll call Dina and we'd chat for about an hour. Lately a whole big bunch of our common friends including her best-friend got married or engaged. Anyway, I've been joking about the idea how we should get married together just because everybody else is. She's quite fond of the joke. I really like the girl but I wouldn't go so far as to say I feel a soul-mate type bond towards her, something that I would say that I've felt before with other girls I've known.

I'm quite convinced she likes me alot too. But I think that I've been sending her the wrong message. The message being that I want to marry her. But I do want to get involved with her, as inconvenient and unrewarding as that may be here in Baghdad.

The dilemna for me is that how do I tell her that I really like her but that I don't have the intention of marrying her. I saw Od today and he told me that I should make it clear that I was joking about the marriage and that I really like her.

Cafe is closing down and I've got to pee.

I woke up at 7AM?!

What the fuck is wrong with me? And I'm still awake.

I Fucking Hate Ramadhan

Got back home, over half the electric in the house is bust for some reason. Nahida has been ripping the whole home apart. We've got new tiles in one of the drive ways. The old tiles were only a year old?!

10 P.M. and the internet cafe is closing down. Gots to run to the loo anyway.

I Need To Go The Loo. And Do Number Two.

Stuck in the internet cafe. Obviously I haven't been so bored with a working internet connection for so long which explains why I haven't posted in such a long time.

My internet connection at home is still broken. That's not cool. One would think that being a relative to the guy who owns the internet provider that I'd get some special treatment.

It's that time of year again. God damn I hate it. I hope I can get my hands on some booze. Kiki finally left the country after his electric generator caught fire and burnt down his house. He flew off to Amman and is hoping to go on to Malaysia. Fal's looking healthier i.e. not so bolemic looking.

Dad's coming at the end of the month.

I sent an e-mail to to a girl from my days in Lebanon just now. She's a gorgeous girl and is sexy in more ways than one. I spent many lonely nights fantasizing about her. She's perky and intelligent, doesn't stand bullshit and can keep up a good argument. What's funny is I can't remeber any of her negative qualities. What's scarier is that I haven't seen her in over 3 or 4 years and I still think about her.

I really really need to go the loo.

Other news in the world around me. One of the two Dina's got married. I didn't even know she got engaged. Anyway, that killed my fantasies of marrying the two Dina's simultaneously. The two Dina's are best friends and therefore there's hope in my mind that with the right nudge there could be some lesbian action thing. I had the one that didn't get married on board for the idea of marrying, but the other one wasn't so cool with it, but then again we didn't try convincing her.

My socks stink, nope, it's my shoes that stink. I'm going to buy myself some new shoes next time I get the chance.

Moodiness, Kidnappings, Bolemia and Addiction

I'm in a crap mood. Have been that way for the past 5 days. Could be because of the slightest change in weather. I don't know. It's been over a month since I've posted anything. Well just to bring everything back up to speed. Right now I'm out of cigarettes. Why the hell does everything seem to be an obstacle?

Kiki's brother was returned within 4 days after a 20,000 dollar ransom was paid. That made Kiki's parents very worried about Kiki's safety. For a while he wasn't allowed to go out unescorted. I saw his mom today, she's still worried but not that much. As soon as Kiki's brother was returned there was talk of sending Kiki out of country to do a master's degree. 2 months have passed up till now. Kiki says he'll be leaving on Thursday. K tells me that he's been on the verge of leaving for the past month.

K's been here for the past couple of months. Didn't get to see much of him at all. He's cooped up at CNN offices. He'll be going back to the UK early next month. Saw him today also, he asked me when would I see him again, I replied that I'll see him in the UK.

A couple of nights ago I saw Fal whom I hadn't seen for 2 months. I've known that he's kind of bolemic something that he doesn't try to hide for that matter. He must've raised the pace because for the first time he does actually look bolemic. He's become very skinny and has bags beneath his eyes. India tells me that Fal isn't aware of how serious bolemia is. Which is not his fault, there are no awareness campaigns such as one might find elsewhere. India is putting alot of effort into making Fal aware that he's hurting himself.

India's still waiting for some response in regards to his application for a time extension on his master's degree that he still hasn't got down to doing.

I've got to go find myself some cigarettes. I'm hating this negative mood swing. It better be over soon.

Frail

I'm a bit surprised to find myself posting again. I never thought I'd ever get enough time on the internet. Well i've only got half an hour left at the most, by then the electricity will cut off and whoever I'm stealing my connection from will turn off his PC. Got to love unsecured wifi spots.

Kiki's parrot died a week or so ago. His parrot was called Kiki. At the time Kiki was in Amman. While Kiki's Dad had left the parrot outside in the garage as he's done so many times before. Kiki* usually just stays on top of his cage and may sometimes just stroll around. Kiki* was a depressed parrot. This time however, he flew all the way to the street and got hit by a passing car.

Kiki's brother got kidnapped a few days ago, just a day after Kiki got back from Amman. They called asking for ransom of half a million dollars. I visited him yesterday, his mum was in an awful state. I called him today, the kidnappers have reduced the ransom to a hundred thousand dollars. Kiki's dad made it clear that he's only been able to gather twenty-thousand.

It's scary. It's easy to hear of some person that you don't know being kidnapped. But when it happens to someone you've known for years it becomes alot more real.

At home we've been expecting Nahida's brother to come back from US custody. Him and his brother got taken because some guy pointed a finger at them earlier this year while I was in the UK. The other brother was released a month ago. It was painful to hear what he had went through. I went to jail for a week during the Saddam years but it's hard to compare my experience with theirs.

Went driving to the farm the other day. I'm starting to get the hang of driving long-distance. But I noticed that as the drive went on I began increasing my speed no matter how congested the road was. I realized that my car wasn't very fuel efficient at high speeds. I asked a guy about it, because I imagined that after changing gears at around 120 kmph shouldn't it change again by the time I reach 170 kmph. He told me that it didn't and that I should try driving at 130 kmph.

The road is full of pesky check points. None of them gave me a hard time for that I'm grateful. But whenever I opened the trunk and coolbox within they asked what the cans of soda were. They suspected that it was beer I guess, which to my knowledge is legal. Iraqis hate soda water. During the mid-90s, production of anything containing sugar was banned, therefore the Pepsi factory only made soda water. I guess people got really sick of it and swore that as long as there was Pepsi they'll never drink soda water again.

Stifled

Damn my internet connection!

A Night of Tummy Aches

Been a while since I've spent the night awake. I was very tired late in the afternoon yesterday. Ate a big load of Lasagna and fell asleep. Woke up around 11 in the evening. Woke up with a tummy ache, that's only just begun to subside after several mugs of echinacea and raspberry tea. Damn Lasagna.

The upstairs generator is bust again. I'm smoking too much. 2 days ago I found out that I ran out of asthma inhalers. I wonder how long it's been since I bought one. Must've been years.

Teeth

Met up with India today to go see his dentist. We had time to spare and India wanted to check his e-mail inbox but the internet cafe wasn't working. I was hungry so I ate a felafel sandwich with houmous and amba sauce (pickled mango sauce I think it is). That stuff leaves you so thirsty.

We then went on to the waiting room at the dentist's. The dentist was busy with some woman and her child was going through the magazines in the waiting room. While India and I were chatting he said that we were talking English, India was quick to reply that we were talking Arabic. Before the kid left he said to India that his mouth was so big, India replied: "so that I may eat you with it", and the kid said to India: "Your nose is so big". To which India replied: "So that I may smell you". Finally the kid said that India's eyes were big to which India replied: "So that I may see you".

His dentist took a look at my teeth at made the same remark as the dentist before last made. My wisedom teeth have only half-sprouted and are pushing the rest of my teeth. I need an x-ray and then will have to have them removed. As far as needing 17 fillings, he said that was that my teeth were okay but a couple may need some work done on them eventually.

[...]

Half a bottle of red Lebanese wine later, I'm too tired to finish typing this post.

Blue Blue Sky

My back aches, I don't know if it's because of the bed that I'm sleeping on downstairs or if it's because I'm swallowing too many Lorazepam pills. Nahida told my dad to have a word about it with me. He told me to go see a surgeon, and then I made some remark to point out that he doesn't really care. My dad is supposed to be really sick these days. The insulin he's been fed is hurting his kidneys.

I can't find a single lighter that works. Everything around me is such a mess. I should start reformatting the first 3 months of the farm's accounts, but I can't be bothered to.

41,544,815 Iraqi Dinars

For the past few months my dad's primary objective for me was to figure out how much money was made from the farm last year. Not only for accounting purposes, but also so that I get a feel of the value of the farm which I so sorely dislike. That's about 27k dollars or14k euros.

The ride back was a pain in the ass. Some joint in the front-right wheel broke and we get a quick fix in Hilla. Within half an hour I went over a checkpoint speed bump and it broke again. The breaking of the joint meant that I had to tug the steering wheel to the right the rest of the way. So far we were in good spirits.

Until a couple humvees ahead blocked the highway. We waited for over 2 hours in the heat for them to detonate an IED on the road. And wait another hour till they cleared the road for us to continue.

First thing I did when I got home. Took a piss and a shower. Drank a litre of Vimto. Just now I took a look at the ashtray and saw what resembled lipstick on the butt of a cigarette. A woman was here? How strange. But then I took a look at the cigarette that I was smoking at the moment and it dawned on me that the Vimto stained my lips red.

I haven't eaten anything yet. I woke up at around 10AM it's now 6:45. The whole trip which should of taken no more than 3 hours lasted 7. During my stay at the farm everyday I'd eat a bit of bread and a tin of Saupiquet's Tuna Salads. Just about the only time I eat fish. But my god! they're packed with long-lasting energy.

I'm a-going to the farm I'm a-going

Well I'm still sitting on my desk. But soon enough my stuff will be packed and I'll be on my way to the farm. With tinned tuna-salads for food, and club soda for drink, and a couple of little bottles of beer. Nicotine patches that fall off when I sweat and nicotine gum for that before I go to bed cravings. Sheets of 1mg Lorazepam to take me to sleep. I should be fine. The only question now is will the car make it there.

I've got my calculator with me too, so maybe I'll get some figures for last year, although I rather have my PC. I should get a laptop. But I'm not intent on making any large purchases until I know how much profilt I'm making.

Got to go.

Losing My Touch

The PC seems to work on it's own again. I can no point the fan at myself. The weather today isn't so hot however. Today is a little windy. There's a bit of dust in the air, which has a cooling effect. A couple of nights ago, I went to an old relative of mine with Fozzy to give her measly share of the sale of last year's rice harvest and a couple of sacks of our fine 'Amba' rice. My relative and her husband hosted us in their front garden. They remarked that the climate in Baghdad used to be alot cooler 30 years ago. Baghdad was probably half the size it is now, and the remainder was farm land.

I had a go at my dad over the phone last night because he won't help me settle in the UK. I don't know if there's any point yapping at him.

I woke up at 11 AM today. I've been sleeping late the past few days and haven't been taking care of things. Dropped off the car with Nahida at the mechanic to have some kind of joints between the wheels and the chassis repaired. The risk of not repairing them involves the wheel breaking off while speeding. Very scary! I'm not sure when I'm supposed to go back to pick it up. Well that's another few hundred bucks out the window.

5 days have passed since we picked up the application form for the Hunter's Club, it's still not filled and ready. I got to get in gear again. I also need a hair cut.

My PC Needs The Fan More Than Me

Not really a sign of how hot the weather is here, but more of a sign of how messed up is my 3 year-old PC after I tried running Half-Life 2 on it. My worn-out video card seems to want to give up on me again. The wretched PC hasn't been able to finish the starting up process for the past couple of days till I positioned the fan to blow air into it's open case.

Edging (this post was edited)

Blimey, I'm so bored and I'm tired. I'm feeling really tired. My brain is wasted. My back is tense. I feel burnt out. I'm tired of bitching oabout the electricity. I could say that the sum of all the inconveniences in my life is wearing me out, but that wouldn't be right. I've been wearing myself out for a long time. 17 cavities, I must take better care of myself.

I think I'm more aware of how lonely I am here. All my family being in the UK now. I yelled at my mum for half an hour over the phone the day before last, because she was giving me a patronizing rant about how I should be taking charge of myself and to know what I want.

I really want a break from my life, but I can't find a reason for why would deserve a break. I still haven't figured how much profit the farm off last year's rice harvest. I'm thinking if I could at least get that out of the way and the accounts up to date then I'd deserve a decent vacation.

I've been calling my dad everyday for the past few days. I'm trying to keep some channel of communication open with him. In the hope that maybe if I wait on the line long enough I might hear something from him.

Yesterday he told me how he had one-year marriage contract (in Arabic called a Zawaj Mumta'a) for a year with that Iranian woman in Canada. He justified it by saying he's lonely and that it was okay because she wasn't a virgin because she was a divorcee like him.

I think this sort of marriage is looked down upon within Iraq, I've never heard of anyone doing it here in Iraq. Maybe Saddam banned it. Or maybe society doesn't approve of it here. But I gather some Iranian's are okay with it and do it. When I first heard about of it being done in Iran, it literally sounded like clerics pimping women granting marriage contracts for a time period of a week or less. I would like to add that I'm not a knowledgable person on the matter so as to be able to debate the virtues or lack of virtues of such an arrangement. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with what my dad did especially since he's so old and can't get an erection, but I can imagine how such a thing can be abused, and that if I myself were to do a Zawag Mumta'a it would be no different from getting a prostitute.

I told him I was lonely too, and that I wanted a one-year marriage contract too. He replied saying I can't do that and told me that when he comes later in the year to Baghdad, he'll introduce me to girls from good families and hopefully find one with whom I'm compatible but that I should have a proper marriage. It was 6 months ago that he came to the conclusion that it would be very difficult for me to find a wife suitable for me in Iraq, but his opinion has obviously changed now. His inconsistencies drive me nuts.

Now I'm waiting for the electricity to come back. When that happens I'll swallow a couple more sleeping pills and knock myself out. And tomorrow I'll start my day, I'll go get fuel for the car, drive Fozzy to the bank to deposite that cheque we got from the state silo today. The cheque is a refund on a deposit that we gave so that they give us rice to mill, but which they didn't because the rice in their silos got mixed with bad rice let in by bribed officials.

Oh! the electricity is back :)

17 Fillings Needed

Just popped by a new dentist to get my cigarette stained teeth polished clean. He told me that I had 17 cavities that need work done on. How the hell does someone get 17 cavities within one year. My teeth don't even hurt. From time to time a tooth or another might ache for a day or two, but it's not excruciatingly painful.

Earlier Fozzy and I went to the 'Hunter's Club', it's a social club that to my knowledge has nothing to do with hunting. It's got swimming pools and tennis courts. We got the application form and we've got to fill it in and hand it back before the 15th.

Last night I sneezed a few times, I didn't think much of it until an hour later I began to smell dust. A while later the smell got on my nerves, and I took a look outside. A dust storm was blowing in the air. Had to run around the house and close all the windows. But the dust had settled within the house already. Breathing became difficult for Nahida, and I began hiccuping madly. Nahida got the impression that I was on something again. I popped maybe a few more sleeping pills than I should've and went to sleep. When I woke up, all the dust was cleaned up.

A Moment To Gloat

I got a praising e-mail from Salam Pax, the big-daddy of Iraqi blogs, woohoo! First of all I would like to thank the tens of fans that read my blog regularly who have kept me motivated to post. And then I'd like to thank my family who brought me into this world and who gave me the distorted view of the world that I possess. And last but not least I would like to say a few words about my plant that died back in April. I loved that plant, such was the case that too much love kills. I wish I had treated it better and that it was with me today.

I don't like this place

I've been in such a bad mood for the past week. So much of a bad mood that I got some hash yesterday and did my best to enjoy it. But the come-down was harder than I expected, harder because Nahida caught me high. I drank some left-over vodka afterwards. Nahida made me some fericous meal that made me feel crap all day today.

Iraq's the cradle of civilization. Civilization no longer sounds like so much of a good thing. Iraqis love boasting about Iraq being the country of civilizations. Where's your civilization now and where has it been all these years is what I keep wanting to ask.

I'm starting to think that civilization is simply a by-product of something. Something being the evil of man. Nature before civilization had it's laws, and they were fair enough. But then the evil of mankind pushed in and 'civilization' perpetuated this evil.

Od just called and informed that Maz got burgled at 2 in the morning a couple of nights ago. The burglars went off with cash, jewellery and whatever lights stuff they could carry. The burglars beat up the Maz's old man, and electrocuted Maz and his mother. Od gave me Maz's new phone number and I called him. Maz sounds alright, he's doing his finals but doesn't know what decisions his family will make in the near future.

I'm sooo fucking bored

Everyday is becoming unbearably boring.

Cows and Sheep

I'm slowly starting to like going to the farm while at the same time learning new excuses of why I don't want to have anything to do with it.

Nahida and I went off in my dad's car, it was the longest distance I've ever driven. The road was full of checkpoints, all of them Iraqi. A few of them stopped us. One told me not to approach so fast because he would've shot at me, but it was getting ridiculous when one checkpoint was only 10 minutes after a previous checkpoint. A couple checkpoints asked for the car papers. One or two made us open the trunk and open the coolbox. With less than an hour left to reach the farm, the car began to break down but continued to move at a slower speeds, fortunately it got us there, without any discomfort.

The first thing I noticed at the farm was the amazing amount of cows and sheep present. Most of which are owned by travelling shepherds. The shepherds had tents set up. I even caught saw one of them talking to the sheep. They had brought their herds to feed on the stalks on the ground left behind by the combine harvesters.

After we unpacked and cooled off a little Fozzy and I stopped by my uncle's 'wakeel' (The wakeel is the guy that takes charge of a farm when the owner decides not to do it himself. when this takes place the wakeel gets the larger part of the owner's share of the harvest.). In the guest hall of my uncle's wakeel I learnt that alot of the young men in the farm have now got jobs. The uni graduates got government jobs and the strong guys got jobs with the police or the army. As a result of all this employment, the quality of the labourers has gone down, and the price has gone up 3 times.

The guest hall had posters of the Shiite imams and of that Sadr fella. I asked if it was right that to have a graphical depictions of the Shiite imams. They said it was okay. I remarked that old mosques don't have images of the imams built into them. They told me that there was a political element to the images. There was one poster of the young Sadr guy and a militia man with a big machine gun. I wanted to ask what the meaning of that poster was, but didn't.

My dad who's in the UK, wanted me to go see the farm at this time to see how the harvest is performed. Which I got to see as soon as I arrived. A combine harvester dumps about a ton of grain on a spot. Then hired labourers would sack and weigh the grain in 50kg sacks. Once the mat underneath the pile shows they stop and count the number of sacks. Then an old guy would calculate how much of the grain is to be left to the farmer.

First 10% of the grain would be ear-marked for paying the guy who owns and runs the combine harvester. Then the fee for the labourers is subtracted. The group of labourers are paid 2 or 3 dollars for every 100 or 1,000 kilograms. The remainder of the grain is then divided between the farmer in charge of the plot and the owner of the land (I'm the owner). Now we continue subtracting from the half of the farmer the cost of the seeds that we provided, and half of the cost of the fertilizers, and whatever little money that the farmer borrowed from us. And finally we reach the amount of grain that the farmer withholds and the rest of the grain goes to us.

The guy in charge of calculating the shares of grain writes out a piece of paper that states the amount of grain on board the labourer's tractor which is then signed to confirm receipt of the grain at our storage facilities. At the end we pay the combine harvester guy and the labourers in cash.

The crop this season was really bad, producing about 500 kg per 'dohnam' (dohnam is the area unit used here, it's equal to 2500m2), because it was infected by some parasite. In some areas the seeds of a previous and different plant sprouted, which also messed things up. Regarding the parasites, it was explained to me that the government used to spread insecticide with crop dusters, but haven't been for the past 5 years. I'm trying to remember exactly what the matter was but can't. I'll have to get it explained to me again next time. I remember when I was with CBS a CPA officer talked about the problems regarding the use of a crop duster since it doesn't look like a military plane and that forces on the ground would mistake it for an enemy plane.

One of farmers has gone out of line. He withheld his harvest of rice the previous harvest, and took a few sacks of wheat this harvest. Under Saddam's rule not a single farmer would dare to do such a thing since we would tell the authorities and the cops will come along and drag him straight to jail and keep him there till his trial. Now the rules have changed, if anyone accuses someone of theft they're not taken into jail until a trial takes place. Whoever reading this would think that that's a good change, but it really isn't when there's a weak rule of law in the country and the trial's take months to happen. That same farmer is now threatening Fozzy because my dad took filed a complaint.

So now that the government law isn't much help, the matter is being dealt with through the tribal system. Our Sheikh is going to have a word with the farmer's family and hopefully find fix the problem. Hopefully the other farmers will note it as an example and not fuck around anymore than they already do.

I planned to spend only two nights there so in the evening of the second night we went into town to make an appointement to tow the car the next morning. We only found one tow-truck and he wanted to charge us 160,000 I.D.. We were expecting to pay about 75,000 I.D.. So when some guy mentioned that his cousin got a dude from nearby Diwaniyah to come to baghdad and to tow it back to Diwaniyah for 75,000 I.D. we took him and his cousin to take us to the tow-truck dude in Qadissiyah.

On the way, the cousin asked me in a low voice how much the previous tow-truck dude asked for, and I told him. How much I really regret telling him. When we got to Qadissiyah the cousin got out of the car and had a word with the tow-truck guy before us. When we got to speaking about how much he would charge he said 135,000 I.D. Fozzy and I were a bit shocked, and then I got pissed off because I realized what had happened. The cousin had told him how much we had been offered to put him in the know. I accepted anyway, because I didn't want to spend an extra night in the farm. Some suggested that I take the car to Najaf and fix it there instead. But that sounded like a bad idea to me for many reasons.

The next day we towed the car straight to our regular mechanic who quickly found the problem. Apparently there was rust in the fuel injection system.

On the whole the trip was pretty good, I was glad to find the climate there somewhat cooler than here in Baghdad. And that even though the electricity came half the time it comes in Baghdad, it was easier to go to sleep because of the climate, and also because I had those sleeping pills. I'm somewhat looking forward to going back there soon.

Just got back home

I've just returned from the farm and must now release the brown glory that I've been holding in for the past two days.

Happy Place

I stopped using those pills last night. It was so hot last night. Something went wrong with the electricity in the whole neighbourhood. I figured that the Lorazepam pills weren't going to be enough to put me to sleep despite of the heat. Finding out that they belong to the same family of meds as Valium, kind of put me off the idea of swallowing them pills too. On the other hand I just read that of all the benzodiazepines it's the least addictive.

I was supposed to go to the farm tomorrow. But Nahida has decided to delay the trip another day. I should be driving ourselves there since the car seems to be reliabe enough now. I'm not too confident of my highway driving, so I ought to be careful. I'm really going to need those pills when I go to the farm.

I need to make a happy place in my head, just to make these days more bearable. Even though I know that these coming summer months will pass me by just as the many months before, I really want to make them special somehow.

The obvious way to make a summer special is to go on a trip abroad, but the last few trips I've had brought me down. When I see how things are so much nicer abroad, I begin feeling bad about Iraq. Maybe the solution is to visit someplace more screwed up than Iraq. How about the United States? If you'd say that Iraq became a worse place because of the Americans, then shouldn't it follow that the States be much worse due to their longer presence their. Nobody except maybe a Red Indian would agree with that.

I can't afford to travel anyway. What then could I do? I'm definitely going to spend a short time with my cousins in Kurdistan, but that's just as boring as Baghdad but the cooler climate is a big plus.

Slob log 14667

It was one year ago today. That I created my blogspot account. I considered taking oppurtunity of this occasion to do a little retrospective on the last year but considering that I only really started posting in September of last year I won't.

The car is nearly working. It's just leaking a little petrol. Something that should be a problem to fix.

I spoke to my dad a few days ago. He told me that when he comes back to Baghdad he'll write me a right-of-attorney. And then I'll finally take control of what's left of his wealth. Mwhaahaha. He also said that any proceeds from the farm will ultimately wind up into my hands. I think he's encouraging me to go there.

Kiki left a few days ago to Amman for a month, to attend someone's wedding. His on-line girlfriend will be in Alexandria at the same time. Even though I don't think he would, he might go and visit her.

I went to some place with Nahida and the carpenter that's doing our house to buy a couple of sinks for the kitchen. I put to force my opinion and bought a black kitchen sink instead of the very typical aluminium one that's found in every single home in Iraq.

My dad has been spending money on the house we live in for a long time now. And there are so many flaws. I really want to bring down any more spending on it. Nahida is now suggesting that we sell the chairs in the guest hall and make new ones to my taste. And even though they're ugly and uncomfortable I don't want to go ahead with it especially since they're rarely used.

I'm at an internet cafe right now. My internet connection at home hasn't been working for 5 days because of some fault at the server. I tried 3 internet cafes till I got to the one I'm at now.

The first one is just a couple minutes walk away from my home (I don't even need to walk on to the main street). They've good PCs and is usually packed. Today however, they too had a problem with their connection.

The second one I hadn't been to in a long time, it was the first one near my home, and was a bit weird. The management were a bunch of Iraqis from the UK. They had packed the cafe with 40 PCs but somehow never have I seen more than half of them being used at the same time. They had weird PCs on which you couldn't right-click on the taskbar and weren't allowed to download any software onto.

The third one I went to was the first cafe to open up in the neighbourhood. It's a bit of a walk to get to. I was hoping to see the cute chick that used to work there. But instead I found an old woman. There was a little girl of about 15 years of age that I remember seeing from the days that I used to go there. I think she's the owner's daughter. She seemed to be doing all the work. The PC I used sucked. The mouse wasn't optical and for some reason I had to use the keyboard to switch windows. And Yahoo messenger didn't want to sign-in. So I quickly left knowing there a couple more cafes within a minutes reach.

Then I came to this third cafe that I had never been to. Everything's fine except the shakey display. I called these guys up to ask if they offer wireless internet a couple of days ago. I can't remember what these guys said. Somehow the paper I had jotted the responses of the different people I called about the subject got lost. It was either we'll call you back or it costs 50 bucks a month. I already pay $45 bucks and I'm looking for a cheaper alternative.

India found some jokes about whores that Am sent me within the past few days and began wondering how slutty she is. She (Am) gave me a missed call last night. So I called her back. The coversation was boring for me and I really don't understand what the girl wants from me. Of all the girls that want to speak to me it had to be the one with no breasts and a big ass.

Am is a creepy girl, she's the niece of one of my dad's creepy woman-friend. Without prior knowledge of her existence she came into my room 3 years ago. We chatted, she gave me these 'I love you' eyes, I held her hand and wondered why her breasts were so small. On her way out she gave me a quick kiss on the lips and walked out. I was supposed to attend a birthday party of one of her friends the next day. But at the time, I wasn't quite stable in the head and she freaked me out, and so I didn't go after hanging up plenty to times in her face.

She came a couple more times to my house after that. She would take off her hijab because I didn't like it. The second and third time I met her I was more honest with her and so was she. She wanted us to have a relationship that was heading directly for marriage, and that was something I definitely didn't want. After that I didn't hear from her much, until recently.

I've finally solved my sleeping problems with the use of pills. I had some pills that I was supposed to pass onto my senile grandma years ago. They're some kind of anti-anxiety pills. And since I think my trouble going to sleep is anxiety related. I read the pamphlet and it said in case of trouble going to sleep pop 2mg. So I did and it worked.

The cafe is going to close now, it's only 9:30pm. The punks.

With little time left

I think I've only got 20 more minutes till the electricity cuts off. Today I got my car stereo back. Paid 20,000 ID to get it repaired. I didn't bother haggling, and for that Nahida would most certainly have a go at me. She had a go at me saying that they pick out the good parts and swap them for 2nd rate parts. Ah well whatever, it works now.

Last night the guys and I slept over at Fal's to watch the Xbox 360 unveiling party on MTV. We were very disappointed. The electricity was really bad, and it was really hot. We stood out on the street, and then Fal's brother came along and brought out the water hose. It was just a matter of time till we all got sprayed. Some of the guys tried to run, but all got wet eventually.

A few developing oppurtunities of how to spend the summer are sprouting around me. None are for certain, so there's no need to make a choice yet. I was sworn to secrecy in regards to two of the possible summer activities. But everybody knows that I'm awful at keeping a secret. In any case I'll mention all of this matter next time.

Finally Drunk

It took 3 days of drinking, but I'm finally feeling the effects of alcohol. Whoppee.

The car's breaking down again. Things that are still wrong with it:

1. The exhaust pipe sounds like it's broken.
2. The car takes too much time to switch gear.
3. The air-conditioning is bust.
4. The car stereo is still bust.
5. The axle is making noise.
6. When the car comes to a halt the revs go up and down. And as feared the engine is turning off.

Today we got new tires for car, and I was supposed to pick up the car stereo but fell I fell asleep.

Fozzy's back from the farm. And hopefully today I'll finally get to figure out how much profit we made off the farm last year. It's starting to take the piss.

خرب صدام

I think the new electricity schedule is 1 1/2 hours on and 4 1/2 hours off. It's painfully warm. Soon enough it'll be too hot even for the flies and mosquitoes. The electricity has only just come back and now that I have the air-conditioning on the sweat on my forehead is slowly drying up.

I remember when electricity cuts were considered as some kind of punishement handed out by Saddam, we used to joke about it being a matter of time till he cuts off the air to breathe. Constantly flowing electricity is something that alot of people take for granted. But during Saddam's day, it wasn't so much of a inconvenience. We used to use the electricity cuts as an excuse to go to someone else's house. We'd just bounce around town going to friend's houses and then move on when the electricity cuts wherever we were. Of course back then there was no traffic and it was safe to go out whatever the time.

A schedule used to be printed in the newspaper of when the electricity would be cut also. These days it would radically change without warning every week at best. I hear most of the blame is goes to the corruption going on at the electric plants. On the other hand, from time to time I would hear someone say that they heard from a reliable source that the people there are working around the clock to fix the problem. 2 years of this crap, and such rumours become less credible. Somewhere I saw a chart showing that only on one day did the electricity reach pre-war levels.

Today I woke up at 5 pm. I went out and did some groceries. Took the car stereo to the repairs, he told me to come back after 2 hours at 8pm. He said that probably an IC was burnt, and that he had to replace it and that it'll cost 10,000 Iraqi Dinars (7 bucks). When I told Nahida that I had taken it to get repaired she got all excited , telling me that I should'nt of taken it to get repaired because they'll nick the parts inside, and that I should've taken her with me. She wanted to come with me when I pick it up. It really takes the piss when she gives me this kind of attitude. I'll admit that I'm not the saviest of people and probably an imbecile when it comes to dealing with Iraqis. But I've got to learn, and I've got to make mistakes in the process. I yelled back at her and she cooled off quickly enough. When I did go back to the guy he told me that I'd have to come back tomorrow because the tape player was a real mess.

After I get it repaired I'm thinking of getting it replaced. The sound is crap and the radio is doesn't go further than 99 MHz on the FM band because it's from some weird region (maybe the gulf). It would be nice to get a CD player. I could burn CDs and listen to them in the car. Much easier than burning CDs than using the tap deck to record them onto cassettes. Or I could just buy an mp3 player and use a CD car kit.

Kiki came over for a short bit to watch a DVD that contained the CBS report in which he was interviewed. He had told me to come with him on the day of the interview but opted not to since I spent a month working for CBS and therefore didn't feel it was right of me to participate. To be honest I didn't do any work while I was there. I just drank as much of their supply of beer as possible. I later figured that drinking is looked very down upon during work in the US. Anyway, Kiki was quite was disappointed when he saw the report not only did they only use a 30 second sound byte of what he said during an hour long interview, but they also took out of context what he had said. He was describing the presence of American culture before the war, but in the report it's shown to describe the new presence of American culture after the war.

The generator is acting weird. It's working fine but every hour maybe it just dies down and restarts by itself.

So what's in-store for the coming day? Somehow need to get new tires for the car. At the moment I'm cruising about without a spare. And the bolts on the spare are sticking out, making it appear that they're loose and nice people on the street are warning me about them. It's been such a long time since I've driven a car. I feel so clumsy on the road, the car being a '90 300 SEL makes it feel that much awkward. Some guy asked if I wanted to buy it while I was at the car audio repair guy. I replied that it was a pile of shit. Who'd want to buy a car with bullet holes anyway? hehehe.

A look at the mirror

My face is all red! I've only had one beer or maybe it's because I walked a bit in the sunlight today. Maybe my tolerence isn't that high after all. And maybe I've just got a problem appreciating the buzz. But I would like to mention what I did buy. For 25,000 I.D. I purchased 12 bottles of Corona beer, and a half-bottle of some suspicious Grant's whiskey.

Trying to learn how to use CSS is paying off in the smallest ways. I figured how to justify the text in my posts. Yippeee :)

The Right Thing To Do

A couple of nights ago, I bumped into Hans on msn messenger. He was drunk. There was a short time we used to get on-line together and get pissed drunk and re-live the old days when we used to do the same on his balcony at his Beirut appartement. We've known each other for a long time, somewhat by coincidence, we met in Baghdad International School. And we bumped into each other in Lebanon where we both stayed for 5 or so years.

He's been studying 3rd developement in the UK for the past several years. So when I started telling him about my farm in Al-Shamiya and how much of a smelly place it is he got rather excited, realising the potential good that could be done in the community there. So I posed him the question of how do I convince some of the people to make their kids attend school. He certainly enlightened me on how to go about the subject. The only ideas I was able to come up with so far was to find some way to force them to do so. Hans explained to me that I've got to understand why they think school is of no use. Is it because they don't have an example of somebody succeeding through education for example. He even provided me with ways to go about it.

Hans emphasized that what I should be doing is satisfying the wants of the people as opposed to imposing my own opinion of what's best for them.

It's such a shame that I didn't save the conversation, because I can't remember half of what he said, he wasn't that much sense either because he was so drunk and tired hehe. It's a shame I have zero interest in the place and rarely go there. But my dad wants me to get involved in it. I don't know how it's all going to work out.

A day earlier I had downloaded Keyhole and got a free 7 day trial. The bastards had mis-spelt Al-Shamiya. They had spelt it Al-Samiya. It's in between Najaf and Al-Diwaniya btw (something I didn't really know until then).

Yesterday I finally got my dad's car back! First thing I did: buy some booze. I'm drinking much slower than I expected which is a good thing. I'm pretty happy about that. It doesn't seem I'm going to enjoy getting drunk though. I wish I could get drunk but I just seem to be too tolerant.

Call me Sloth

At no point in my life so far have I been so unproductive and aware of it.

The past couple of days Kiki has been over to watch Liverpool and Milan reach the final of the Uefa Cup. Both of them were exciting games, but I wouldn't of watched them had Kiki not been here. We also watched a bunch of DVDs. Most of all though I've been playing Mario 64 on his Nintendo DS. During the past 3 days I've colleted 75 stars and I've got 25 from previous football games.

In regards to how unproductive I am, I'm not referring to the past couple of days but the past couple of months.

The car is still in repairs. How long has it been? It's moments like these I find this blog useful. After I'm done writing this post I could check my archives and see how long the car has been broken down.

Nahida's improved her kebab recipe. Finally they're starting to taste more like the way they should taste.

The other day at a fast food restaurant I bumped into a classmate from the uni that i attended last year. He tells me that half of the students weren't attending this year and that two of the students either got kidnapped or received threats of kidnapping (I was too hungry to pay attention).

If I wasn't such a lazy person, there's a moderate chance that I would've been dead or kidnapped by now. But that doesn't justify being lazy.

I'm so brain dead these days that I've accumulated hours and hours of staring at the google search page or an empty desktop. I'm beginning to think that maybe if I stare at the tv turned off it would provide me with the same amount of entertainement. But seeing the colours on the tellie change is still more entertaining than my reflection on a black screen.

My dad's in the UK now, and I spoke to him on the phone the other day and he confirmed to me that he's decided to move permanently back to London. My mum and bro along with his family are in Bath and my sis is somewhere in the UK. So why the hell am I in Iraq?! People have often asked me that question but now that my dad has moved to the UK, the question of why I'm here is burning my butt-hole more than ever.

I didn't directly ask the question to my dad but he pointed out that I should be learning how to run the farm. Living in Baghdad wears any person down, my farm has the same effect but to a much higher degree. So far all I've done in regards of the farm is type in the expenses of the past 3 months. I still haven't figured how much profit was made last year, because Fozzy hasn't been around and shown me the books.

One problem is that if I don't learn how to run the farm now I'll never learn simply because there'll be no one to show me the ropes apart from Fozzy who's a really old dude who I can't count on being around much longer.

Maybe I should take the initiatve and go back to the UK and get any job possible. I should be able to find some kind of solution there.

For a long while now, I've been thinking about my dual national-identitiy. For years I've considered myself an Iraqi. But that wasn't until I moved here when I was 12. Until the age of 12 I thought of myself as British and eversince I've always said that I'm Iraqi unless in situations I have to present the red passport. And I miss feeling British, there's so much less to get depressed about.

I think I would've still called myself British in the UK if I had a British accent but I lost it in Lebanon. Now when I go to the UK people take guesses of where I got my accent from. I realised that I lost my accent when I went to uni in Lebanon along with whatever intelligence that I was once admired for. But I didn't realise that I had acquired a new accent until someone during my last visit to Lebanon said that I had a Lebanese accent when I talk english.

Wouldn't it be simpler if I called myself a British Iraqi. Yeah, I like that.

An ant with wings is in my room

Today I attended a wedding party. It was pretty nice. The music wasn't as loud as I expected. Usually it's so loud one can't hear oneself think. Another plus was that I wasn't expected to dance. Supposedly men from the bride's side shouldn't dance according to some people which was the card that my friend the brother of the bride was using. And the whole thing lasted less than 4 hours.

There was a strangely funny incident just as the wedding ended and everybody had left. We heard some yelling behind us. The wedding photographer was disputing his fee and had threatened to publish a photograph in a newspaper shouldn't he receive the full amount he asked for. This enraged the people on the groom's behalf. The whole little thing didn't last more than 5 minutes but was quite loud. It's funny because had a photographer offered to show a picture of someone's wedding in some other country it would be most welcomed.

When I got home I found out that the electricity schedule has become 2 hours of electricity for every 6 hours of no electricity. This summer looks like it's going to get really nasty. This bloody ant has got to die, it keeps startling me.

اعلمه الرماية كل يوم, لما أستد ساعه رماني

Last night I slept over at India's place along with Kiki and a couple of other friends. We spent the night playing Mario Party 6 and Mario Kart. As usual my abilities at gaming shone out like light from a blackhole. Today after lunch and another round of Mario Party we got up to leave. Fal asked Kiki to drop him and me home. The wretched Kiki refused to take drive us home. Innumerable times have I, as well as others including Fal, gone out of our way to drive him home. It makes me furious that on the first oppurtunity that he has to return the favour he gives us the finger. I swear not to let him forget this transgression.

I'm hot, I'm sweating a little bit. The generator is feeding me electricity which means I can't turn on the air-conditioner. It's things like this which make me wish I was at home in the UK. My whole family is there now. It's still impossible to get us all in the same room. I wonder when the last time that happened was. I certainly don't remember that ever happening. Maybe my brother does. I wonder if that could ever happen again, it most probably wouldn't.

Growing up as a kid, I don't remember giving much thought to the importance of family. I imagined it was a peripheral part of life, amazing how kids rationalize things. But slowly I guess all these little self-protecting shields wear out, and you come to face the reality of the world. I wonder if I still have any self-protecting shields regarding other aspects of life.

Fish oils are good for you

My arm is fine now. Guess it's time to hurt it again. I think I've sorted out my sleeping schedule. After getting the right-of-attorney thing done yesterday Nahida and I did a tiny bit of shopping. She bought some eggs, bread and mint. I bought some antibiotic cream to deal with those nasty zits I get on my thighs (yuck hehe). I also bought 3 little buddha looking figurines $2 each.

Not all discrimination is bad. Positive discrimination is pretty cool. I saw two examples of it yesterday. One was at the bakery where there are two vending windows, one for women and one for men. Sometimes there's a big queue at the bakery at that moment in time there was nobody.

The other instance was when I went to the courts to get that right-of-attorney processed. There was a long queue of men standing outside of the office and a security officer standing at the door. Nahida being a woman went straight through. She then told the cop to let me in pretending I'm her son. And so I got to skip the long queue and save myself at least half an hour of waiting. And now that I look back every official that I had to go through to get the right-of-attorney processed was a woman.

Something suprised me a few days ago. Female contraception pills are rumoured to help grow cannabis so while I was out one day looking for that cream I bought yesterday. I went into a pharmacy and asked for some contraception pills. I didn't know what they were called so it took a few stumbled suggestions till the pharmacist understood what I said. When the man finally understood what I was aksing for he acted a bit suprised but without asking any questions he sold them to me. And they were really cheap too (about a dollar for a month's worth. I imagined that you had to get a prescription to get such medicine.

Must stay awake

I just took a little walk inside the house. The walk consisted of leaving my room and entering Nahida's 3 meters away. Bloody flies and mosquitoes are in my room. I'm trying to evaluate which are more annoying. So far today it's been the flies.

I woke up at 4 in the afternoon yesterday, which is rather normal for me. Now it's 9 AM and I'm going to try to stay awake throughout the day. Still have to sign that right-of-attorney for a lawyer to deal with that case filed against me and my family. I think I've mentioned it in a previous post.

I still can't extend my left arm from a little dumbell lifting a couple of nights ago. I should've warmed up and down. I'm getting so much junk mail in my hotmail inbox these days.

Crap I got to take a shower to get the day started.

Sadly

Marla Ruzicka died.

Not in the mood to post

I was supposed to sign a right-of-attorney today for a lawyer to deal with a complaint filed by the family that we bought land from before the war; but I overslept. They're claiming that the person that sold us the land had forged their identity to sell us the land, and thus the sale was illegal. They've already taken us to court before the war on a different premise and lost the case. Afterwards my dad got some document to prevent further complaints signed by someone in the ministry. All in all, I don't think they're going to get anywhere. I think a lawyer probably suckered them into it. There is that chance that they pay for a verdict, but I feel that's very unlikely.

I asked Nahida when would the air-conditioner will get cleaned so I could use it. She told me that it was cleaned infront of me, which was a couple of weeks ago. It's a window-type air-conditioner and all they did was remove the front panel and wipe the grill that sucks the air. I thought there was more to it. I'm using it now, I did miss the smell of air-conditioning.

I think I might of killed my plant last night. I was chatting to Zed in Bulgaria and he told me that his friend Georgi's plants which were planted about the same time as mine had grown to 7 inches while mine is still only 1 inch. So I did like he told me and put the plant underneath a 100 watt light bulb. But I did one thing wrong which was that I put it too close. After an hour or two, I took a look at the plant and they leaves were pointing straight up. I was impressed at the effect of the light bulb, but a little later I realized that the leaves were shriveling and turning brown and that it was very warm. I'm not sure what to do now, only one of the leaves looks partially healthy (the biggest one out of 4).

Kiki and India slept over last night. We spent the night watching movies on the tube. When I woke up Kiki had left. Omar whose dad owns the restaurant on the main street near my house, came over a few hours later Mar came and the subject of Kiki's on-line romance with a Canadian-Egyptian girl living in Canada came up. India made me call Kiki to get permission to fill me in. Kiki wants to marry her, to the point that he's told his parents. His mum told him no straight up. The plan so far is that Kiki is going to go Alexandria in Egypt during the summer to meet her with her parents and without his parents support that's very unlikely to happen.

Ha Ha Ha. I saved the post as a draft moments before the electricity went out. But I'm not adding anything after all except a title.

133 entries later

Finally finished the farm accounts with Nahida! That must've taken at least 6 hours. What a marathon. Must get food and rest.

One Beer

One beer is not enough. 2 would not be enough for that matter. What I want is that one beer and that drink that when I was a teenager would regurlarly drink at bars: The TGV, french for High Speed Train, a part each of Tequila, Gin and Vodka with ice in a glass. That is what I want right now. But god help me I don't want to drink another one of those again.

CSS isn't the end

So nothing new in my life right now. Woke up late, had the intention of doing the accounts for the farm. I'm supposed to type the accounts written by Fozzy into the PC. The only problem is that I don't understand what he's written very neatly. So I need Nahida to read them out to me. She had been very busy while I was asleep and called it a day, so our work is postponed till tomorrow.

I gently burnt a patch of psoriasis on my finger with my cigarette today. Hoping that it would do something. So far it looks like it's going to turn into a little blister. Maybe I should try it on a more developed patch.

What I'm doing is pretty useless really. I've made a column each for the date, a description and an amount in Excel and I'm going to fill 'em up. The only thing I'll be able to do with the information is add it up. Which I guess is pretty cool. It's a start and Fozzy thinks that I'm doing something helpful, maybe he knows something I don't. I am however learning to type in arabic and working on my spelling. I've been at the microsoft site going through access tutorials thinking that it might help me do something useful in regards to the accounts of the farm.

The weather indoors is nice, not so warm as to make me sweat yet. I'm going to need a fan in my room. Kiki keeps telling me to get a fan installed into the ceiling of my room. I hate fans. I don't know why, but I hate them. I can't turn on the air conditioner yet because it needs to be cleaned. I wonder how they do that. The voices of many people echo in the back of my head crying out: "You idiot!"

I also spent the last couple of days trying to learn CSS from w3schools.com . I went through the whole thing, I didn't understand all of it, I can't memorize one bit of it, I don't know how I'm going to make use of it. Okay I'm going to try and turn the dark red titles on my posts to another colour right now! I've chosen an egg yolk colour instead. Yippee, I've done something. I also made some star appear when the mouse hoves over the title but undid it because it looked messy.

I've realised that I over-use some words. Such as 'really'. I think I'm using words without actually meaning them. My language skills are rotting I know it. I've spent too much time today in front of the computer screen. Must walk away. Oh yeah, there's a beer in my fridge. I bought it with Wazy a couple of nights ago. That container in Maamoun that was selling beer moved into a make shift store at the same location. It must be reaping loads of money, being the only booze store in the neighbourhood. Good for them.

Zelda completed

I cheated, shame on me. But I really did get sick of playing that game every waking hour. That's one barrier preventing me from venturing into the outside world. It's been a whole week since I've left the house.

I stink again. This time of barbequed kebab. Now why did I participate in that? Got to take a shower now. Just checked, Damn it the water heater was off all this time and the electricity is going to cut-off in half an hour.

M6 Music Monday Nights

The number of time I left the house since I got the GameCube is still one. I think I'm close to completing Zelda afterwhich I swear not to play another game for a month.

A weak dust storm is blowing through the air tonight. It made me sneeze a couple of times.

The plant in the cup is doing alright. It produced a couple of round leaves and a couple tiny spikey ones. It's over an inch tall now. I hope it turns out to be a female. Because otherwise I'm screwed. If it's a female I would be able to clone it and produce more plants out of it, it also can produce a male organ at some point.

Bitten

The mosquitoes are back. I thought there were two in my room until I killed one. It's not so disgusting squating a mosquito with your hand when you know that it's your own blood getting smeared in the process.

Sniff

I stink.

Withdrawal

It's 5:30 AM, it's been a while since I've been up this late. To be honest, it's only been a few days, probably not even a week that I haven't been up this late. But for a long moment it felt nostalgic. Memories of long nights chatting with mates, getting drunk and surrendering to sleep at the sight of the morning light. I also like that false energy buzz that I get around the same time. Doesn't last too long though.

Spent all day and all night playing Zelda. Nahida's regretting buying the thing. She know sees that because of it, there's no way to get me out of the house. I'm not even doing any trips to the shops, as a consequence, my meals are starting to get nastier by the day because Nahida's doing the shopping.

I should write up a stock list of foods to be kept at home. So as to have choices available at home. I just wish my dad's car would repair itself. Then I could do some heavy shopping. And I miss going out in the car. Even though the traffic is really lousy these days from what I hear.

I really miss alchohol. Let's see I haven't had a good piss up in a long time. I can't drink like I used to. I used to binge until I puke. I still would puke, but I'd probably fall asleep first. That's my problem now, I just get really sleepy. And I'm convinced that it's true that every piss up will never be as good as the last. I'm pretty certain that was the unacheivable goal I was trying to fulfill for many years. I deserve merit for trying hard.

The moon's gone now, and the electricity is back. Got to turn off the generator.